安妮日记-第58章
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has a week off。 thats the latest news！
ive been having really ghastly root…canal work done on one of my front teeth。 its been terribly painful。 it was so bad dussel thought i was going to faint； and i nearly did。 mrs。 van d。 promptly got a toothache as well！
yours； anne
m。 frank
p。s。 weve heard from basel that bernd ＇cousin bernhard （buddy） elias＇。 played the part of the innkeeper in minna von barnhelm。 he has 〃artistic leanings；〃 says mother。
。。
JULY； 1944
生？
thursday； july 6； 1944
dearest kitty；
my blood runs cold when peter talks about being a criminal or a speculator； of course； hes joking； but i still have the feeling hes afraid of his own weakness。
margot and peter are always saying to me； 〃if i had your spunk and your strength； if i had your drive and unflagging energy； could。 。 。
is it really such an admirable trait not to let myself be influenced by others？ am i right in following my own conscience？
to be honest； i cant imagine how anyone could say 〃im weak〃 and then stay that way。 if you know that about yourself； why not fight it； why not develop your character？ their answer has always been： 〃because its much easier not to！〃 this reply leaves me feeling rather discouraged。 easy？ does that mean a life of deceit and laziness is easy too？ oh no； that cant be true。 it cant be true that people are so readily tempted by ease。 。 。 and money。 ive given a lot of thought to what my answer should be； to how i should get peter to believe in himself and； most of all； to change himself for the better。 i dont know whether im on the right track。
ive often imagined how nice it would be if someone were to confide everything to me。 but now that its reached that point； i realize how difficult it is to put yourself in someope elses shoes and find the right answer。 especially since 〃easy〃 and 〃money”
are new and … pletely alien concepts to me。
peters beginning to lean on me and i dont want that； not under any circumstances。
its hard enough standing on your own two feet； but when you also have to remain true to your character and soul； its harder still。
ive been drifting around at sea； have spent days searching for an effective antidote to that terrible word 〃easy。〃 how can i make it clear to him that； while it may seem easy and wonderful； it will drag him down to the depths； to a place where hell no longer find friends； support or beauty； so far down that he may never rise to the surface again？
were all alive； but we dont know why or what for； were all searching for happiness；
were all leading lives that are different and yet the same。 we three have been raised in good famthes； we have the opportunity to get an education and make something of ourselves。 we have many reasons to hope for great happiness； but。 。 。 we have to earn it。 and thats something you cant achieve by taking the easy way out。 earning happiness means doing good and working； not speculating and being lazy。 laziness may look inviting； but only work gives you true satisfaction。
i cant understand people who dont like to work； but that isnt peters problem either。
he just doesnt have a goal； plus he thinks hes too stupid and inferior to ever achieve anything。 poor boy； hes never known how it feels to make someone else happy； and im afraid i cant teach him。 he isnt religious； scoffs at jesus christ and takes the lords name in vain； and though im not orthodox either； it hurts me every time to see him so lonely； so scornful； so wretched。
people who are religious should be glad； since not everyone is blessed with the ability to believe in a higher order。 you dont even have to live in fear of eternal punishment；
the concepts of purgatory； heaven and hell are difficult for many people to accept； yet religion itself； any religion； keeps a person on the right path。 not the fear of god； but upholding your own sense of honor and obeying your own conscience。 how noble and good everyone could be if； at the end of each day； they were to review their own behavior and weigh up the rights and wrongs。 they would automatically try to do better at the start of each new day and； after a while； would certainly acplish a great deal。 everyone is wele to this prescription； it costs nothing and is definitely useful。 those who dont know will have to find out by experience that 〃a quiet conscience gives you strength！〃
yours； anne
m。 frank
saturday； july 8； 1944
dearest kitty；
mr。 broks was in beverwijk and managed to get hold of strawberries at the produce auction。 they arrived here dusty and full of sand； but in large quantities。 no less than twenty…four crates for the office and us。 that very same evening we canned the first six jars and made eight jars of jam。 the next morning miep started making jam for the office。
at twelve…thirty the outside door was locked； crates were lugged into the kitchen； with peter； father and mr。 van daan stumbling up the stairs。 anne got hot water from the water heater； margot〃〃；went for a bucket； all hands on deck！ with a funny feeling in my stomach； i entered the overcrowded office kitchen。 miep； bep； mr。 kleiman； jan； father； peter： the annex contingent and the supply corps all mixed up together； and that in the middle of the day！ curtains and windows open； loud voices； banging doors …… i was trembling with excitement。 i kept thinking； 〃are we really in hiding？〃 this must be how it feels when you can finally go out into the world again。 the pan was full； so i dashed upstairs； where the rest of the family was hulling strawberries around the kitchen table。 at least thats what they were supposed to be doing； but more was going into their mouths than into the buckets。 they were bound to need another bucket soon。 peter went back downstairs； but then the doorbell rang twice。 leaving the bucket where it was； peter raced upstairs and shut the bookcase behind him。 we sat kicking our heels impatiently； the strawberries were waiting to be rinsed； but we stuck to the house rule： 〃no running water when strangers are downstairs …… they might hear the drains。”
jan came up at one to tell us it had been the mail… man。 peter hurried downstairs again。 ding…dong。 。 。 the doorbell； about…face。 i listened to hear if anyone was ing； standing first at the bookcase； then at the top of the stairs。 finally peter and i leaned over the banister； straining our ears like a couple of burglars to hear the sounds from downstairs。 no unfamthar voices。 peter tip… toed halfway down the stairs and called out； 〃bep！”
once more： 〃bep！〃 his voice was drowned out by the racket in the kitchen。 so he ran down to the kitchen while i nervously kept watch from above。 〃go upstairs at once； peter； the accountants here； youve got to leave！〃 it was mr。 kuglers voice。 sighing； peter came upstairs and closed the bookcase。
mr。 kugler finally came up at one…thirty。 〃my gosh； the whole worlds turned to strawberries。 i had strawber… ries for breakfast； jans having diem for lunch； kleimans eating them as a snack； mieps bothng them； beps hulling them； and i can smell them everywhere i go。 i e upstairs to get away from all that red and what do i see？ people washing strawberries！”
the rest of the strawberries were canned。 that evening： two jars came unsealed。
father quickly turned them into jam。 the next morning： two more lids popped up； and that afternoon： four lids。 mr。 van daan hadnt gotten the jars hot enough when he was sterthzing them； so father ended up making jam every evening。 we ate hot cereal with strawberries； buttermilk with strawberries； bread with strawberries； strawberries for dessert； straw… berries with sugar； strawberries with sand。 for two days there was nothing but strawberries； strawberries； strawberries； and then our supply was either exhausted or in jars； safely under lock and key。
〃hey； anne；〃 margot called out one day； 〃mrs。 van hoeven has let us have some peas； twenty pounds！”
〃thats nice of her；〃 i replied。 and it certainly was； but its so much work。 。 。 ugh！
〃on saturday； youve aji got to shell peas；〃 mother announced at the table。
and sure enough； this morning after breakfast our biggest enamel pan appeared on the table； filled to the brim with peas。 if you think shelling peas is boring work； you ought to try removing the inner linings。 i dont think many people realize that once youve pulled out the linings； the pods are soft； delicious and rich in vitamins。 but an even greater advantage is that you get nearly three times as much as when you eat just the peas。
stripping pods is a precise and meticulous job that might be suited to pedantic dentists or finicky spice experts； but its a horror for an impatient teenager like me。 we started work at nine…thirty； i sat down at ten…thirty； got up again at eleven； sat down again at eleven…thirty。 my ears were humming with the following refrain： snap the end； strip the pod； pull the string； pod in the pan； snap the end； strip the pod； pull the string； pod in the pan； etc。； etc。 my eyes were swimming： green； green； worm； string； rotten pod； green； green。 to fight the boredom and have something to do； i chattered all morn… ing； saying whatever came into my head and making everyone laugh。 the monotony was killing me。 every string i pulled mad
