THE AMBER SPYGLASS-第93章

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mbraced；　and　first　mary　and　then　will　stepped　through　the　last　window；　back　into　their　own　world；　in　the　shade　of　the　trees　of　the　botanic　garden。

being　cheerful　starts　now；　will　thought　as　hard　as　he　could；　but　it　was　like　trying　to　hold　a　fighting　wolf　still　in　his　arms　when　it　wanted　to　claw　at　his　face　and　tear　out　his　throat；　nevertheless；　he　did　it；　and　he　thought　no　one　could　see　the　effort　it　cost　him。

and　he　knew　that　lyra　was　doing　the　same；　and　that　the　tightness　and　strain　in　her　smile　were　the　signs　of　it。

nevertheless；　she　smiled。

one　last　kiss；　rushed　and　clumsy　so　that　they　banged　cheekbones；　and　a　tear　from　her　eye　was　transferred　to　his　face；　their　two　daemons　kissed　farewell；　and　pantalaimon　flowed　over　the　threshold　and　up　into　lyras　arms；　and　then　will　began　to　close　the　window；　and　then　it　was　done；　the　way　was　closed；　lyra　was　gone。

〃now。。。”　he　said；　trying　to　sound　matter…of…fact；　but　having　to　turn　away　from　mary　all　the　same；　〃ive　got　to　break　the　knife。〃

he　searched　the　air　in　the　familiar　way　until　he　found　a　gap；　and　tried　to　bring　to　mind　just　what　had　happened　before。　he　had　been　about　to　cut　a　way　out　of　the　cave；　and　mrs。　coulter　had　suddenly　and　unaccountably　reminded　him　of　his　mother；　and　the　knife　had　broken　because；　he　thought；　it　had　at　last　met　something　it　couldnt　cut；　and　that　was　his　love　for　her。

so　he　tried　it　now；　summoning　an　image　of　his　mothers　face　as　hed　last　seen　her；　fearful　and　distracted　in　mrs。　coopers　little　hallway。

but　it　didnt　work。　the　knife　cut　easily　through　the　air　and　opened　into　a　world　where　they　were　having　a　rainstorm：　heavy　drops　hurtled　through；　startling　them　both。　he　closed　it　again　quickly　and　stood　puzzled　for　a　moment。

his　daemon　knew　what　he　should　do；　and　said　simply；　〃lyra。〃

of　course。　he　nodded；　and　with　the　knife　in　his　right　hand；　he　pressed　with　his　left　the　spot　where　her　tear　still　lay　on　his　cheek。

and　this　time；　with　a　wrenching　crack；　the　knife　shattered　and　the　blade　fell　in　pieces　to　the　ground；　to　glitter　on　the　stones　that　were　still　wet　with　the　rain　of　another　universe。

will　knelt　to　pick　them　up　carefully；　kirjava　with　her　cat　eyes　helping　to　find　them　all。

mary　was　shouldering　her　rucksack。

〃well；〃　she　said；　〃well；　listen　now；　will。　weve　hardly　spoken；　you　and　i。。。so　were　still　strangers；　largely。　but　serafina　pekkala　and　i　made　a　promise　to　each　other；　and　i　made　a　promise　to　lyra　just　now；　and　even　if　i　hadnt　made　any　other　promises；　id　make　a　promise　to　you　about　the　same　thing；　which　is　that　if　youll　let　me；　ill　be　your　friend　for　the　rest　of　our　lives。　were　both　on　our　own；　and　i　reckon　we　could　both　do　with　that　sort　of。。。　what　i　mean　to　say　is；　there　isnt　anyone　else　we　can　talk　to　about　all　this；　except　each　other。。。and　weve　both　got　to　get　used　to　living　with　our　daemons；　too。。。and　were　both　in　trouble；　and　if　that　doesnt　give　us　something　in　mon；　i　dont　know　what　will。〃

〃youre　in　trouble？〃　said　will；　looking　at　her。　her　open；　friendly；　clever　face　looked　back　directly。

〃well；　i　smashed　up　some　property　in　the　lab　before　i　left；　and　i　forged　an　identity　card；　and。。。its　nothing　we　cant　deal　with。　and　your　trouble；　we　can　deal　with　that；　too。　we　can　find　your　mother　and　get　her　some　proper　treatment。　and　if　you　need　somewhere　to　live；　well；　if　you　wouldnt　mind　living　with　me；　if　we　can　arrange　that；　then　you　wont　have　to　go　into；　whatever　they　call　it；　into　care。　i　mean；　well　have　to　decide　on　a　story　and　stick　to　it；　but　we　could　do　that；　couldnt　we？〃

mary　was　a　friend。　he　had　a　friend。　it　was　true。　hed　never　thought　of　that。

〃yes！〃　he　said。

〃well；　lets　do　it。　my　flats　about　half　a　mile　away；　and　you　know　what　id　like　most　of　all　in　the　world？　id　like　a　cup　of　tea。　e　on；　lets　go　and　put　the　kettle　on。〃

three　weeks　after　the　moment　lyra　had　watched　wills　hand　closing　his　world　away　forever；　she　found　herself　seated　once　more　at　that　dinner　table　in　jordan　college　where　she　had　first　fallen　under　the　spell　of　mrs。　coulter。

this　time　it　was　a　smaller　party：　just　herself　and　the　master　and　dame　hannah　relf；　the　head　of　st。　sophias；　one　of　the　womens　colleges。　dame　hannah　had　been　at　that　first　dinner；　too；　and　if　lyra　was　surprised　to　see　her　here　now；　she　greeted　her　politely；　and　found　that　her　memory　was　at　fault：　for　this　dame　hannah　was　much　cleverer；　and　more　interesting；　and　kindlier　by　far　than　the　dim　and　frumpy　person　she　remembered。

all　kinds　of　things　had　happened　while　lyra　was　away；　to　jordan　college；　to　england；　to　the　whole　world。　it　seemed　that　the　power　of　the　church　had　increased　greatly；　and　that　many　brutal　laws　had　been　passed；　but　that　the　power　had　waned　as　quickly　as　it　had　grown：　upheavals　in　the　magisterium　had　toppled　the　zealots　and　brought　more　liberal　factions　into　power。　the　general　oblation　board　had　been　dissolved；　the　consistorial　court　of　discipline　was　confused　and　leaderless。

and　the　colleges　of　oxford；　after　a　brief　and　turbulent　interlude；　were　settling　back　into　the　calm　of　scholarship　and　ritual。　some　things　had　gone：　the　masters　valuable　collection　of　silver　had　been　looted；　some　college　servants　had　vanished。　the　masters　manservant；　cousins；　was　still　in　place；　however；　and　lyra　had　been　ready　to　meet　his　hostility　with　defiance；　for　they　had　been　enemies　as　long　as　she　could　remember。　she　was　quite　taken　aback　when　he　greeted　her　so　warmly　and　shook　her　hand　with　both　of　his：　was　that　affection　in　his　voice？　well；　he　had　changed。

during　dinner　the　master　and　dame　hannah　talked　of　what　had　happened　in　lyras　absence；　and　she　listened　in　dismay；　or　sorrow；　or　wonder。　when　they　withdrew　to　his　sitting　room　for　coffee；　the　master　said：

〃now；　lyra；　weve　hardly　heard　from　you。　but　i　know　youve　seen　many　things。　are　you　able　to　tell　us　something　of　what　youve　experienced？〃

〃yes；〃　she　said。　〃but　not　all　at　once。　i　dont　understand　some　of　it；　and　some　makes　me　shudder　and　cry　still；　but　i　will　tell　you；　i　promise；　as　much　as　i　can。　only　you　have　to　promise　something；　too。〃

the　master　looked　at　the　gray…haired　lady　with　the　marmoset　daemon　in　her　lap；　and　a　flicker　of　amusement　passed　between　them。

〃whats　that？〃　said　dame　hannah。

〃you　have　to　promise　to　believe　me；〃　lyra　said　seriously。　〃i　know　i　havent　always　told　the　truth；　and　i　could　only　survive　in　some　places　by　telling　lies　and　making　up　stories。　so　i　know　thats　what　ive　been　like；　and　i　know　you　know　it；　but　my　true　storys　too　important　for　me　to　tell　if　youre　only　going　to　believe　half　of　it。　so　i　promise　to　tell　the　truth；　if　you　promise　to　believe　it。〃

〃well；　i　promise；〃　said　dame　hannah。

the　master　said；　〃and　so　do　i。〃

〃but　you　know　the　thing　i　wish；〃　lyra　said；　〃almost；　almost　more　than　anything　else？　i　wish　i　hadnt

lost　the　way　of　reading　the　alethiometer。　oh；　it　was　so　strange；　master；　how　it　came　in　the　first　place　and　then　just　left！　one　day　i　knew　it　so　well；　i　could　move　up　and　down　the　symbol　meanings　and　step　from　one　to　another　and　make　all　the　connections；　it　was　like。。。〃　she　smiled；　and　went　on；　〃well；　i　was　like　a　monkey　in　the　trees；　it　was　so　quick。　then　suddenly；　nothing。　none　of　it　made　sense；　i　couldnt　even　remember　anything　except　just　basic　meanings；　like　the　anchor　means　hope　and　the　skull　means　death。　all　those　thousands　of　meanings。。。gone。〃

〃theyre　not　gone；　though；　lyra；〃　said　dame　hannah。　〃the　books　are　still　in　bodleys　library。　the　scholarship　to　study　them　is　alive　and　well。〃

dame　hannah　was　sitting　opposite　the　master　in　one　of　the　two　armchairs　beside　the　fireplace；　lyra　on　the　sofa　between　them。　the　lamp　by　the　masters　chair　was　all　the　light　there　was；　but　it　showed　the　expressions　of　the　two　old　people　clearly。　and　it　was　dame　hannahs　face　that　lyra　found　herself　studying。　kindly；　lyra　thought；　and　sharp；　and　wise；　but　she　could　no　more　read　what　it　meant　than　she　could　read　the　alethiometer。

〃well；　now；〃　the　master　went　on。　〃we　must　think　about　your　future；　lyra。〃

his　words　made　her　shiver。　she　gathered　herself　and　sat　up。

〃all　the　time　i　was　away；〃　lyra　said；　〃i　never　thought　about　that。　all　i　thought　about　was　just　the　time　i　was　in；　just　the　present。　there　were　plenty　of　times　when　i　thought　i　didnt　have　a　future　at　all。　and　now。。。　well；　suddenly　finding　ive　got　a　whole　life　to　live；　but　no。。。but　no　idea　what　to　do　with　it；　well；　its　like　having　the　alethiometer　but　no　idea　how　to　read　it。　i　suppose　ill　have　to　work；　but　i　dont　know　at　what。　my　parents　are　probably　rich；　but　i　bet　they　never　thought　of　putting　any　money　aside　for　me。　and　anyway；　i　think　they　must　have　used　all　their　money　up　by　now；　so　even　if　i　did　have　a　claim　on　it；　there　wouldnt　be　any　left。　i　dont　know；　master。　i　came　back　to　jordan　because　this　used　to　be　my　home；　and　i　didnt　have　anywhere　else　to　go。　i　think　king　iorek　byrnison　would　let　me　live　on　svalbard；　and　i　think　serafina　pekkala　would　let　me　live　with　her　witch　clan；　but　im　not　a　bear　and　im　not　a　witch；　so　i　wouldnt　really　fit　in　there；　much　as　i　love　them。　maybe　the　gyptians　would　take　me　in。。。but　really　i　dont　know　what　to　do　anymore。　im　lost；　really；　now。〃

they　looked　at　her：　her　eyes　were　glittering　more　than　usual；　her　chin　was　held　high　with　a　look　shed　le