THE AMBER SPYGLASS-第80章

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lyra；　looking　at　will；　thought　that　if　he　fell　in　love；　he　would　be　like　that。

all　around　them　the　quiet　noises　of　the　afternoon　hung　in　the　warm　air：　the　endless　trickling　sucking　of　the　marsh；　the　scraping　of　insects；　the　calling　of　gulls。　the　tide　was　fully　out；　so　the　whole　extent　of　the　beach　was　clear　and　glistening　under　the　bright　sun。　a　billion　tiny　mud　creatures　lived　and　ate　and　died　in　the　top　layer　of　sand；　and　the　little　casts　and　breathing　holes　and　invisible　movements　showed　that　the　whole　landscape　was　aquiver　with　life。

without　telling　the　others　why；　mary　looked　out　to　the　distant　sea；　scanning　the　horizon　for　white　sails。　but　there　was　only　hazy　glitter　where　the　blue　of　the　sky　paled　at　the　edge　of　the　sea；　and　the　sea　took　up　the　pallor　and　made　it　sparkle　through　the　shimmering　air。

she　showed　will　and　lyra　how　to　gather　a　particular　kind　of　mollusk　by　finding　their　breathing　tubes　just　above　the　sand。　the　mulefa　loved　them；　but　it　was　hard　for　them　to　move　on　the　sand　and　gather　them。

whenever　mary　came　to　the　shore；　she　harvested　as　many　as　she　could；　and　now　with　three　pairs　of　hands　and　eyes　at　work；　there　would　be　a　feast。

she　gave　each　of　them　a　cloth　bag；　and　they　worked　as　they　listened　to　the　next　part　of　the　story。　steadily　they　filled　their　bags；　and　mary　led　them　unobtrusively　back　to　the　edge　of　the　marsh；　for　the　tide　was　turning。

the　story　was　taking　a　long　time；　they　wouldnt　get　to　the　world　of　the　dead　that　day。　as　they　neared　the　village；　will　was　telling　mary　what　he　had　learned　about　daemons　and　ghosts。　mary　was　particularly　interested　in　the　three…part　nature　of　human　beings。

〃you　know；〃　she　said；　〃the　church；　the　catholic　church　that　i　used　to　belong　to；　wouldnt　use　the　word　daemon；　but　st。　paul　talks　about　spirit　and　soul　and　body。　so　the　idea　of　three　parts　in　human　nature　isnt　so　strange。〃

〃but　the　best　part　is　the　body；〃　will　said。　〃thats　what　baruch　and　balthamos　told　me。　angels　wish　they　had　bodies。　they　told　me　that　angels　cant　understand　why　we　dont　enjoy　the　world　more。　it　would　be　sort　of　ecstasy　for　them　to　have　our　flesh　and　our　senses。　in　the　world　of　the　dead。。。”

〃tell　it　when　we　get　to　it；〃　said　lyra；　and　she　smiled　at　him；　a　smile　of　such　sweet　knowledge　and　joy　that　his　senses　felt　confused。　he　smiled　back；　and　mary　thought　his　expression　showed　more　perfect　trust　than　shed　ever　seen　on　a　human　face。

by　this　time　they　had　reached　the　village；　and　there　was　the　evening　meal　to　prepare。　so　mary　left　the　other　two　by　the　riverbank；　where　they　sat　to　watch　the　tide　flooding　in；　and　went　to　join　atal　by　the　cooking　fire。　her　friend　was　overjoyed　by　the　shellfish　harvest。

but　mary；　she　said；　the　tualapi　destroyed　a　village　further　up　the　coast；　and　then　another　and　another。　theyve　never　done　that　before。　they　usually　attack　one　and　then　go　back　to　sea。　and　another　tree　fell　today　。。。

no！　where！

atal　mentioned　a　grove　not　far　from　a　hot　spring。　mary　had　been　there　only　three　days　before；　and　nothing　had　seemed　wrong。　she　took　the　spyglass　and　looked　at　the　sky；　sure　enough；　the　great　stream　of　shadow　particles　was　flowing　more　strongly；　and　at　inparably　greater　speed　and　volume；　than　the　tide　now　rising　between　the　riverbanks。

what　can　you　do？　said　atal。

mary　felt　the　weight　of　responsibility　like　a　heavy　hand　between　her　shoulder　blades；　but　made　herself　sit　up　lightly。

tell　them　stories；　she　said。

when　supper　was　over；　the　three　humans　and　atal　sat　on　rugs　outside　marys　house；　under　the　warm　stars。　they　lay　back；　well　fed　and　fortable　in　the　flower…scented　night；　and　listened　to　mary　tell　her　story。

she　began　just　before　she　first　met　lyra；　telling　them　about　the　work　she　was　doing　at　the　dark　matter　research　group；　and　the　funding　crisis。　how　much　time　shed　had　to　spend　asking　for　money；　and　how　little　time　thered　been　left　for　research！

but　lyras　ing　had　changed　everything；　and　so　quickly：　within　a　matter　of　days　shed　left　her　world　altogether。

〃i　did　as　you　told　me；〃　she　said。　〃i　made　a　program；　thats　a　set　of　instructions；　to　let　the　shadows　talk　to　me　through　the　puter。　they　told　me　what　to　do。　they　said　they　were　angels；　and；　well。。。〃

〃if　you　were　a　scientist；〃　said　will；　〃i　dont　suppose　that　was　a　good　thing　for　them　to　say。　you　might　not　have　believed　in　angels。〃

〃ah；　but　i　knew　about　them。　i　used　to　be　a　nun；　you　see。　i　thought　physics　could　be　done　to　the　glory　of　god；　till　i　saw　there　wasnt　any　god　at　all　and　that　physics　was　more　interesting　anyway。　the　christian

religion　is　a　very　powerful　and　convincing　mistake；　thats　all。〃

〃when　did　you　stop　being　a　nun？〃　said　lyra。

〃i　remember　it　exactly；〃　mary　said；　〃even　to　the　time　of　day。　because　i　was　good　at　physics；　they　let　me　keep　up　my　university　career；　you　see；　and　i　finished　my　doctorate　and　i　was　going　to　teach。　it　wasnt　one　of　those　orders　where　they　shut　you　away　from　the　world。　in　fact；　we　didnt　even　wear　the　habit；　we　just　had　to　dress　soberly　and　wear　a　crucifix。　so　i　was　going　into　university　to　teach　and　do　research　into　particle　physics。

〃and　there　was　a　conference　on　my　subject　and　they　asked　me　to　e　and　read　a　paper。　the　conference　was　in　lisbon；　and　id　never　been　there　before；　in　fact；　id　never　been　out　of　england。　the　whole　business；　the　plane　flight；　the　hotel；　the　bright　sunlight；　the　foreign　languages　all　around　me；　the　well…known　people　who　were　going　to　speak；　and　the　thought　of　my　own　paper　and　wondering　whether　anyone　would　turn　up　to　listen　and　whether　id　be　too　nervous　to　get　the　words　out。。。　oh；　i　was　keyed　up　with　excitement；　i　cant　tell　you。

〃and　i　was　so　innocent；　you　have　to　remember　that。　id　been　such　a　good　little　girl；　id　gone　to　mass　regularly；　id　thought　i　had　a　vocation　for　the　spiritual　life。　i　wanted　to　serve　god　with　all　my　heart。　i　wanted　to　take　my　whole　life　and　offer　it　up　like　this；〃　she　said；　holding　up　her　hands　together；　〃and　place　it　in　front　of　jesus　to　do　as　he　liked　with。　and　i　suppose　i　was　pleased　with　myself。　too　much。　i　was　holy　and　i　was　clever。　ha！　that　lasted　until；　oh；　half　past　nine　on　the　evening　of　august　the　tenth；　seven　years　ago。〃

lyra　sat　up　and　hugged　her　knees；　listening　closely。

〃it　was　the　evening　after　id　given　my　paper；〃　mary　went　on；　〃and　it　had　gone　well；　and　thered　been　some　well…known　people　listening；　and　id　dealt　with　the　questions　without　making　a　mess　of　it；　and　altogether　i　was　full　of　relief　and　pleasure。。。　and　pride；　too；　no　doubt。

〃anyway；　some　of　my　colleagues　were　going　to　a　restaurant　a　little　way　down　the　coast；　and　they　asked　if　id　like　to　go。　normally　id　have　made　some　excuse；　but　this　time　i　thought；　well；　im　a　grown　woman；　ive　presented　a　paper　on　an　important　subject　and　it　was　well　received　and　im　among　good　friends。。。　and　it　was　so　warm；　and　the　talk　was　about　all　the　things　i　was　most　interested　in；　and　we　were　all　in　high　spirits；　so　i　thought　id　loosen　up　a　bit。　i　was　discovering　another　side　of　myself；　you　know；　one　that　liked　the　taste　of　wine　and　grilled　sardines　and　the　feeling　of　warm　air　on　my　skin　and　the　beat　of　music　in　the　background。　i　relished　it。

〃so　we　sat　down　to　eat　in　the　garden。　i　was　at　the　end　of　a　long　table　under　a　lemon　tree；　and　there　was　a　sort　of　bower　next　to　me　with　passionflowers；　and　my　neighbor　was　talking　to　the　person　on　the　other　side；　and。。。　well；　sitting　opposite　was　a　man　id　seen　once　or　twice　around　the　conference。　i　didnt　know　him　to　speak　to；　he　was　italian；　and　hed　done　some　work　that　people　were　talking　about；　and　i　thought　it　would　be　interesting　to　hear　about　it。

〃anyway。　he　was　only　a　little　older　than　me；　and　he　had　soft　black　hair　and　beautiful　olive…colored　skin　and　dark；　dark　eyes。　his　hair　kept　falling　across　his　forehead　and　he　kept　pushing　it　back　like　that；　slowly。。。〃

she　showed　them。　will　thought　she　looked　as　if　she　remembered　it　very　well。

〃he　wasnt　handsome；〃　she　went　on。　〃he　wasnt　a　ladies　man　or　a　charmer。　if　he　had　been；　id　have　been　shy；　i　wouldnt　have　known　how　to　talk　to　him。　but　he　was　nice　and　clever　and　funny　and　it　was　the　easiest　thing　in　the　world　to　sit　there　in　the　lantern　light　under　the　lemon　tree　with　the　scent　of　the　flowers　and　the　grilled　food　and　the　wine；　and　talk　and　laugh　and　feel　myself　hoping　that　he　thought　i　was　pretty。　sister　mary　malone；　flirting！　what　about　my　vows？　what　about　dedicating　my　life　to　jesus　and　all　that？

〃well；　i　dont　know　if　it　was　the　wine　or　my　own　silliness　or　the　warm　air　or　the　lemon　tree；　or　whatever。。。but　it　gradually　seemed　to　me　that　id　made　myself　believe　something　that　wasnt　true。　id　made　myself　believe　that　i　was　fine　and　happy　and　fulfilled　on　my　own　without　the　love　of　anyone　else。　being　in　love　was　like　china：　you　knew　it　was　there；　and　no　doubt　it　was　very　interesting；　and　some　people　went　there；　but　i　never　would。　id　spend　all　my　life　without　ever　going　to　china；　but　it　wouldnt　matter；　because

there　was　all　the　rest　of　the　world　to　visit。

〃and　then　someone　passed　me　a　bit　of　some　sweet　stuff　and　i　suddenly　realized　i　had　been　to　china。　so　to　speak。　and　id　forgotten　it。　it　was　the　taste　of　the　sweet　stuff　that　brought　it　back；　i　think　it　was　marzipan。　sweet　almond　paste；〃　she　explained　to　lyra；　who