And Now, And Here-第4章

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dont　be　afraid　of　killing　or　of　being　killed；　because　i　tell　you　that　neither　does　anyone　die　nor　does　anyone　kill。

〃　neither　has　anyone　ever　died；　nor　can　anyone　ever　die　and　that　which　dies；　that　which　can　die；　is　already　dead。

and　that　which　does　not　die　and　cannot　be　killed　……　there　is　no　way　of　its　dying。

and　that　is　life　itself。

tonight；　we　have　unexpectedly　gathered　on　this　seashore　where　that　very　krishna　once　walked。

these　sands　have　seen　krishna　walk。

people　must　have　believed　that　krishna　really　died　……　since　we　know　death　as　the　only　truth；　for　us　everyone　dies。

this　sea；　these　sands；　have　never　felt　that　krishna　died；　this　sky；　these　stars　and　the　moon　have　never　believed　in　krishnas　death。

in　fact；　nowhere　is　there　any　room　for　death　in　life；　but　we　have　all　believed　that　krishna　died。

we　believe　so　because　we　are　always　haunted　by　the　thought　of　our　own　death。

why　are　we　so　preoccupied　with　the　thought　of　our　death？　we　are　alive　right　now；　then　why　are　we　so　afraid　of　death？　why　are　we　so　very　afraid　of　dying？　actually；　behind　this　fear；　there　is　a　secret　which　we　must　understand。

there　is　a　certain　mathematics　behind　it；　and　this　mathematics　is　very　interesting。

we　have　never　seen　ourselves　dying。

we　have　seen　others　dying；　and　that　reinforces　the　idea　that　we　will　have　to　die　too。

for　example；　a　raindrop　lives　in　the　ocean　with　thousands　of　other　drops；　and　one　day　the　suns　rays　fall　on　it　and　it　turns　into　vapor；　it　disappears。

the　other　drops　think　it　is　dead；　and　they　are　right　……　because　they　had　seen　the　drop　just　a　little　while　ago；　and　now　it　is　gone。

but　the　drop　still　exists　in　the　clouds。

yet　how　are　the　other　drops　to　know　this　until　they　themselves　bee　the　cloud？　by　now　that　drop　must　have　fallen　into　the　sea　and　bee　a　drop　again。

but　how　can　the　other　drops　know　this　until　they　themselves　set　out　on　that　journey？　

when　we　see　somebody　dying　around　us；　we　think　the　person　is　no　more；　that　yet　another　man　has　died。

we　dont　realize　that　the　man　has　simply　evaporated；　that　he　has　entered　the　subtle；　and　then　set　out　on　a　new　journey　……　that　he　is　a　drop　which　has　evaporated；　only　to　bee　a　drop　once　again。

how　are　we　to　see　this？　all　we　feel　is　that　one　more　person　is　lost；　that　one　more　person　is　dead。

thus；　somebody　dies　every　day；　every　day　some　drop　is　lost。

and　it　slowly　bees　a　certainty　for　us　that　we　too　will　have　to　die；　that；　〃i　too　will　die。

〃　then　a　fear　takes　hold：　〃i　will　die。

〃　this　fear　grips　us　because　we　are　looking　at　others。

we　live　watching　others；　and　that　is　our　problem。

last　night　i　was　telling　some　friends　a　story。

once　a　jewish　fakir　became　very　upset　by　his　troubles　……　who　doesnt　get　upset？　we　are　all　bothered　by　our　woes；　and　our　greatest　bother　is　seeing　others　happy。

seeing　that　others　are　happy；　we　continue　being　unhappy。

there　is　more　mathematics　behind　this；　the　same　kind　of　mathematics　i　spoke　about　in　reference　to　death。

we　see　our　misery　and　we　see　the　faces　of　others。

we　dont　see　the　misery　in　others；　we　see　their　smiling　eyes；　the　smiles　on　their　lips。

if　we　look　at　ourselves；　we　will　see；　in　spite　of　being　troubled　inside；　we　go　on　smiling　outwardly。

in　fact；　a　smile　is　a　way　to　hide　the　misery。

no　one　wants　to　show　he　is　unhappy。

if　he　cannot　really　be　happy　then　at　least　he　wants　to　show　that　he　has　bee　happy；　because　to　show　oneself　as　unhappy　is　a　matter　of　great　humiliation；　loss　and　defeat。

thats　why　we　keep　a　smiling　face　outwardly；　and　inside；　we　remain　as　we　are。

on　the　inside；　tears　keep　collecting；　on　the　outside；　we　practice　our　smiles。

then；　when　someone　looks　at　us　from　the　outside；　he　finds　us　smiling；　however；　when　that　person　looks　within　himself　he　finds　misery　there。

and　that　bees　a　problem　for　him。

he　thinks　the　whole　world　is　happy；　that　he　alone　is　unhappy。

the　same　thing　happened　with　this　fakir。

one　night；　in　his　prayers　to　god；　he　said；　〃i　am　not　asking　you　not　to　give　me　unhappiness　because　if　i　deserve　unhappiness　then　i　should　certainly　get　it　……　but　at　least　i　can　pray　to　you　not　to　give　me　so　much　suffering。

i　see　people　laughing　in　the　world；　and　i　am　the　only　one　crying。

everyone　seems　to　be　happy；　i　am　the　only　one　who　is　unhappy。

everyone　appears　cheerful；　i　am　the　only　one　who　is　sad；　lost　in　darkness。

after　all；　what　wrong　have　i　done　to　you？　please　do　me　a　favor　……　give　me　some　other　persons　unhappiness　in　exchange　for　mine。

change　my　unhappiness　for　that　of　anyone　else　you　like；　and　i　will　accept　it。

〃　

that　night；　while　he　slept；　he　had　a　strange　dream。

he　saw　a　huge　mansion　which　had　millions　of　hanging　pegs。

millions　of　people　were　ing　in　and　every　one　was　carrying　a　bundle　of　unhappiness　on　his　back。

seeing　so　many　bundles　of　unhappiness；　he　got　very　scared；　he　grew　puzzled。

the　bundles　brought　by　other　people　were　very　similar　to　his　own。

the　size　and　shape　of　everyones　bundle　was　exactly　the　same。

he　became　very　confused。

he　had　always　seen　his　neighbor　smiling　……　and　every　morning　when　the　fakir　asked　him　how　things　were；　he　would　say；　〃everything　is　just　fine〃　……　and　this　same　man　was　now　carrying　the　same　amount　of　unhappiness。

he　saw　politicians　and　their　followers；　gurus　and　their　disciples　……　everyone　ing　with　the　same　size　load。

the　wise　and　the　ignorant；　the　rich　and　the　poor；　the　healthy　and　the　sick　……　the　load　in　everyones　bundle　was　the　same。

the　fakir　as　dumbfounded。

he　was　seeing　the　bundles　for　the　first　time；　up　to　now　he　had　only　seen　peoples　faces。

suddenly　a　loud　voice　filled　the　room：　〃hang　up　your　bundles！〃　everyone；　including　the　fakir；　did　as　manded。

everyone　hurried　to　get　rid　of　his　troubles；　no　one　wanted　to　carry　his　miseries　even　a　second　longer　and　if　we　were　to　find　such　opportunity；　we　would　also　hang　them　up　right　away。

and　then　another　voice　sounded；　saying：　〃now；　each　of　you　should　pick　up　whichever　bundle　he　pleases。

〃　we　might　suspect　that　the　fakir　quickly　picked　up　someone　elses　bundle。

no；　he　did　not　make　such　a　mistake。

in　panic；　he　ran　to　pick　up　his　own　bundle　before　anyone　else　could　reach　it　……　otherwise；　it　could　have　bee　a　problem　for　him；　because　all　the　bundles　looked　the　same。

he　thought　it　was　better　to　have　his　own　bundle　……　at　least　the　miseries　in　it　were　familiar。

who　knows　what　kinds　of　miseries　were　contained　in　the　other　peoples　bundles？　familiar　misery　is　still　a　lesser　kind　of　misery　……　it　is　a　known　misery；　a　recognizable　misery。

so；　in　a　state　of　panic；　he　ran　and　retrieved　his　own　bundle　before　anyone　else　could　lay　his　hands　on　it。

when　he　looked　around；　however；　he　found　that　everyone　else　had　also　run　and　picked　up　their　own　bundles；　no　one　had　selected　a　bundle　that　was　not　his　own。

he　asked；　〃why　are　you　in　such　a　hurry　to　collect　your　own　bundles？〃　

〃we　became　frightened。

up　to　now　wed　believed　that　everyone　else　was　happy；　that　only　we　were　miserable；〃　they　replied。

in　that　mansion；　whomsoever　the　fakir　asked；　the　reply　was　that　theyd　always　believed　everyone　else　was　happy。

〃we　even　believed　that　you　were　happy　too。

you　also　walked　down　the　street　with　a　smile　on　your　face。

we　never　imagined　that　you　carried　a　bundle　of　miseries　inside　you　too；〃　they　said。

with　curiosity；　the　fakir　asked；　〃why　did　you　collect　your　own　bundle？　why　didnt　you　exchange　it　for　another？〃　

they　said；　〃today；　each　of　us　had　prayed　to　god；　saying　we　wanted　to　exchange　our　bundles　of　misery。

but　when　we　saw　that　everyones　miseries　were　just　the　same；　we　became　scared；　we　had　never　imagined　such　a　thing。

so　we　figured　it　was　better　to　pick　up　our　own　bundle。

it　is　familiar　and　known。

why　fall　into　new　miseries？　by　and　by；　we　get　used　to　the　old　miseries　too。

〃　

that　night；　nobody　picked　up　a　bundle　that　belonged　to　someone　else。

the　fakir　woke　up；　thanked　merciful　god　for　letting　him　have　his　own　miseries　back。

and　decided　never　to　make　such　a　prayer　again。

in　fact；　the　arithmetic　behind　it　is　the　same。

when　we　look　at　other　peoples　faces　and　at　our　own　reality　……　that　is　where　we　mit　a　great　error。

and　with　regard　to　our　perception　of　life　and　death　the　same　kind　of　wrong　arithmetic　is　at　work。

you　have　seen　other　people　die；　but　you　have　never　seen　yourself　dying。

we　see　other　peoples　deaths；　but　we　never　e　to　know　if　anything　within　these　people　survives。

since　we　bee　unconscious　at　the　time；　death　remains　a　stranger　to　us。

hence　it　is　important　we　enter　death　voluntarily。

if　a　person　sees　death　once　he　bees　free　from　it；　he　triumphs　over　death。

in　fact；　it　is　meaningless　to　call　him　victorious　because　there　is　nothing　to　win　……　then　death　bees　false；　then　death　simply　doesnt　exist。

if　after　adding　two　and　two　a　person　writes　down　five；　and　the　next　day　he　es　to　know　that　two　plus　two　equals　four；　would　he　say　hed　triumphed　over　five　and　made　it　four？　he　would　say；　in　fact；　that　there　was　no　question　of　triumph　……　there　was　no　five。

making　it　five　was　his　error；　it　was　his　illusion　……　his　calculation　was　wrong；　the　total　was　four；　he　understood　it　as　five；　that　was　his　mistake。

once　you　see　th