The Thirteenth Tale-第63章

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　the　presumed；　the　assumed；　the　probable。　even　though　it　sometimes　leads　us　astray　and　causes　us　to　misinterpret　a　flash　of　sunlight　as　a　girl　in　a　white　dress；　when　these　two　things　are　as　unlike　as　two　things　can　be。

mrs。　dunnes　mind　does　wander　sometimes。　i　fear　she　took　in　very　little　of　our　conversation　about　meal　plans；　and　we　shall　have　to　go　over　the　whole　thing　again　tomorrow。

i　have　a　little　plan　regarding　my　activities　here　and　the　doctor。

i　have　told　him　at　great　length　of　my　belief　that　adeline　demonstrates　a　type　of　mental　disturbance　that　i　have　neither　encountered　nor　read　about　before。　i　mentioned　the　papers　i　have　been　reading　about　twins　and　the　associated　developmental　problems；　and　i　saw　his　face　approve　my　reading。　i　think　he　has　a　clearer　understanding　now　of　my　abilities　and　talent。　one　book　i　spoke　of；　he　did　not　know　and　i　was　able　to　give　him　a　summary　of　the　arguments　and　evidence　in　the　book。　i　went　on　to　point　out　the　few　significant　inconsistencies　that　i　had　noticed　in　it；　and　to　suggest　how；　if　it　were　my　book；　i　would　have　altered　my　conclusions　and　remendations。

the　doctor　smiled　at　me　at　the　end　of　my　speech　and　said　lightly；　“perhaps　you　should　write　your　own　book。”　this　gave　me　exactly　the　opportunity　have　been　seeking　for　some　time。

i　pointed　out　to　him　that　the　perfect　case　study　for　such　a　book　was　at　and　here　in　angelfield　house。　that　i　could　devote　a　few　hours　every　day　to　working　on　writing　up　my　observations。　i　sketched　out　a　number　of　trials　and　experiments　that　could　be　undertaken　to　test　my　hypothesis。　and　i　touched　briefly　on　the　value　that　the　finished　book　would　have　in　the　eyes　of　the　medical　establishment。　after　this　i　lamented　the　fact　that　for　all　my　experience；　my　formal　qualifications　are　not　grand　enough　to　tempt　a　publisher；　and　finally　i　confessed　that；　as　a　woman；　i　was　not　entirely　confident　of　being　able　bring　off　such　an　ambitious　project。　a　man；　if　only　there　were　a　man；　intelligent　and　resourceful；　sensitive　and　scientific；　having　access　to　my　experience　and　my　case　study；　would　be　sure　to　make　a　better　job　of　it。

and　in　such　a　manner　it　was　decided。　we　are　to　worktogether！

i　fear　mrs。　dunne　is　not　well。　i　lock　doors　and　she　opens　them。　i　open　curtains　and　she　closes　them。　and　still　my　books　will　not　stay　in　their　place！　she　tries　to　avoid　responsibility　for　her　actions　by　maintaining　that　the　house　is　haunted。

quite　by　chance；　her　talk　of　ghosts　es　on　the　very　day　the　book　i　am　in　the　middle　of　reading　has　pletely　disappeared；　only　to　be　replaced　by　a　novella　by　henry　james。　i　hardly　suspect　mrs。　dunne　of　the　substitution。　she　scarcely　knows　how　to　read　herself　and　is　not　given　to　practical　jokes。　obviously　it　was　one　of　the　girls。　what　makes　it　noteworthy　is　that　a　striking　coincidence　has　made　it　a　cleverer　trick　than　they　could　have　known。　for　the　book　is　a　rather　silly　story　about　a　governess　and　two　haunted　children。　i　am　afraid　that　in　it　mr。　james　exposes　the　extent　of　his　ignorance。　he　knows　little　about　children　and　nothing　at　all　about　governesses。

it　is　done。　the　experiment　has　begun。

the　separation　was　painful；　and　if　i　did　not　know　the　good　that　is　to　e　of　it；　i　should　have　thought　myself　cruel　for　inflicting　it　upon　them。　emmeline　sobs　fit　to　break　her　heart。　how　is　it　for　adeline？　for　she　is　the　one　who　is　to　be　the　most　altered　by　the　experience　of　independent　life。　i　shall　know　tomorrow　when　we　have　our　first　meeting。

there　is　no　time　for　anything　but　research；　but　i　have　managed　to　do　one　additional　useful　thing。　i　fell　into　conversation　today　with　the　schoolteacher　outside　the　post　office。　i　told　her　that　i　had　spoken　to　john　about　the　truant　and　that　she　should　e　to　me　if　the　boy　is　absent　again　without　reason。　she　says　she　is　used　to　teaching　half　a　class　at　harvesttime　when　the　children　go　spud…hucking　with　their　parents　in　the　fields。　but　it　is　not　harvesttime；　and　the　child　was　weeding　the　parterres；　i　told　her。　she　asked　me　which　child　it　was；　and　i　felt　foolish　at　not　being　able　to　tell　her。　the　distinctive　hat　is　no　help　at　all　in　identifying　him；　since　children　do　not　wear　hats　in　class。　i　could　go　back　to　john　but　doubt　he　will　give　me　more　information　than　last　time。

i　am　not　writing　my　diary　much　lately。　i　find　that　after　the　writing；　late　at　night；　of　the　reports　i　prepare　every　day　about　emmeline’s　progress；　i　am　frequently　too　tired　to　keep　up　with　my　own　record　of　my　activities。　and　i　do　want　to　keep　a　record　of　these　days　and　weeks；　for　i　am　engaged；　with　the　doctor；　on　very　important　research；　and　in　years　to　e；　when　i　have　gone　away　and　left　this　place；　i　may　wish　to　look　back　and　remember。　perhaps　my　efforts　with　the　doctor　will　open　some　door　for　me　into　further　work　of　this　kind；　for　i　find　the　scientific　and　intellectual　work　more　engrossing　and　more　satisfying　than　anything　i　have　ever　done。　this　morning　for　instance；　dr。　maudsley　and　i　had　the　most　stimulating　conversation　on　the　subject　of　emmeline’s　use　of　pronouns。　she　is　showing　an　ever…greater　inclination　to　speak　to　me；　and　her　ability　to　municate　improves　every　day。　yet　the　one　aspect　of　her　speech　that　is　resistant　to　development　is　the　persistence　of　the　first　person　plural。　“we　went　to　the　woods；　”　she　will　say；　and　always　i　correct　her：　“i　went　to　the　woods。”　like　a　little　parrot　she　will　repeat　“i”　after　me；　but　in　the　very　next　sentence；　“we　saw　a　kitten　in　the　garden；　”　or　some　such　thing。

the　doctor　and　i　are　much　intrigued　by　this　peculiarity。　is　it　simply　an　ingrained　habit　of　speech　carried　over　from　her　twin　language　into　english；　a　habit　that　will　in　time　right　itself？　or　does　the　twinness　go　so　deep　in　her　that　even　in　her　language　she　is　resistant　to　the　idea　of　having　a　separate　identity　from　that　of　her　sister？　i　told　the　doctor　about　imaginary　friends　that　so　many　disturbed　children　invent；　and　together　we　explored　the　implications　of　this。　what　if　the　child’s　dependence　on　her　twin　is　so　great　that　the　separation　causes　a　mental　trauma　such　that　the　damaged　mind　provides　solace　by　the　creation　of　an　imaginary　twin；　a　fantasy　panion？　we　arrived　at　no　satisfactory　conclusion　but　parted　with　the　satisfaction　of　having　located　another　area　of　future　study：　linguistics。

what　with　emmeline；　and　the　research；　and　the　general　housekeeping　that　needs　to　be　done；　i　find　i　am　sleeping　too　little；　and　despite　my　reserves　of　energy；　which　i　maintain　by　healthy　diet　and　exercise；　i　can　distinguish　the　symptoms　of　sleep　deprivation。　i　irritate　myself　by　putting　things　down　and　forgetting　where　i　have　left　them。　and　when　i　pick　up　my　book　at　night；　my　bookmark　tells　me　that　the　previous　night　i　must　have　turned　the　pages　blindly；　for　i　have　no　recollection　at　all　of　the　events　on　the　page　or　the　one　before。　these　small　annoyances　and　my　constant　tiredness　are　the　price　i　pay　for　the　luxury　of　working　alongside　the　doctor　on　our　project。

however；　that　is　not　what　i　wanted　to　write　about。　i　meant　to　write　about　our　work。　not　our　findings；　which　are　documented　thoroughly　in　our　papers；　but　the　pattern　of　our　minds；　the　fluency　with　which　we　understand　each　other；　the　way　in　which　our　instant　understanding　permits　us　almost　to　do　without　words。　when　we　are　both　engaged　in　plotting　the　changes　in　sleep　patterns　of　our　separate　subjects；　for　instance；　he　may　want　to　draw　my　attention　to　something；　and　he　does　not　need　to　speak；　for　i　can　feel　his　eyes　on　me；　his　mind　calling　to　me；　and　i　raise　my　head　from　my　work；　quite　ready　for　him　to　point　out　whatever　it　is。

skeptics　might　consider　this　pure　coincidence；　or　suspect　me　of　magnifying　a　chance　incidence　into　a　habitual　occurrence　by　imagination；　but　i　have　e　to　see　that　when　two　people　work　closely　together　on　a　joint　project—　two　intelligent　people；　i　mean　to　say—a　bond　of　munication　develops　between　them　that　can　enhance　their　work。　all　the　while　they　are　jointly　engaged　on　a　task；　they　are　aware　of；　acutely　sensitive　to；　each　other’s　tiniest　movements；　and　can　interpret　them　accordingly。　this；　even　without　seeing　the　infinitesimal　movements。　and　it　is　no　distraction　from　the　work。　on　the　contrary；　it　enhances　it；　for　our　speed　of　understanding　is　quickened。　let　me　add　one　simple　example；　small　in　itself　but　standing　in　for　countless　others。　this　morning；　i　was　intent　upon　some　notes；　trying　to　see　a　pattern　of　behavior　emerging　from　his　jottings　on　adeline。　reaching　for　a　pencil　to　make　an　annotation　in　the　margin；　i　felt　the　doctors　hand　brush　mine　and　he　passed　the　pencil　i　sought　into　it。　i　looked　up　to　thank　him；　but　he　was　deeply　engrossed　in　his　own　papers；　quite　unconscious　of　what　had　happened。　in　such　a　way　we　work　together：　minds；　hands；　always　in　conjunction；　always　anticipating　the　others　needs　and　thoughts。　and　when　we　are　apart；　which　we　are　for　most　of　the　day；　we　are　always　thinking　of　small　details　relating　to　the　project；　or　else　observations　about　the　broader　aspects　of　life　and　science；　and　even　this　shows　how　well　suited　we　are　for　this　joint　undertaking。

but　i　am　sleepy；　and　though　i　could　write　at　length　of　the　joys　of　co…authoring　a　research　paper；　it　is　really　time　to　go　to　bed。

i　have　not　written　for　nearly　a　week　and　do　not　o