红字-the scarlet letter(英文版)-第29章

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with　the　Most　High　Omniscience…　I；　in　whose　daily　lifeyou　discern　the　sanctity　of　Enoch…　I；　whose　footsteps；　as　you　suppose；leave　a　gleam　along　my　earthly　track；　whereby　the　pilgrims　thatshall　e　after　me　may　be　guided　to　the　regions　of　the　blest…　I；who　have　laid　the　hand　of　baptism　upon　your　children…　I；　who　havebreathed　the　parting　prayer　over　your　dying　friends；　to　whom　theAmen　sounded　faintly　from　a　world　which　they　had　quitted…　I；　yourpastor；　whom　you　so　reverence　and　trust；　am　utterly　a　pollution　anda　lie！〃　　More　than　once；　Mr。　Dimmesdale　had　gone　into　the　pulpit；　with　apurpose　never　to　e　down　its　steps；　until　he　should　have　spokenwords　like　the　above。　More　than　once；　he　had　cleared　his　throat；　anddrawn　in　the　long；　deep；　and　tremulous　breath；　which；　when　sentforth　again；　would　e　burdened　with　the　black　secret　of　his　soul。More　than　once…　nay；　more　than　a　hundred　times…　he　had　actuallyspoken！　Spoken！　But　how？　He　had　told　his　hearers　that　he　wasaltogether　vile；　a　viler　panion　of　the　vilest；　the　worst　ofsinners；　an　abomination；　a　thing　of　unimaginable　iniquity；　and　thatthe　only　wonder　was；　that　they　did　not　see　his　wretched　bodyshrivelled　up　before　their　eyes；　by　the　burning　wrath　of　the　Almighty！Could　there　be　plainer　speech　than　this？　Would　not　the　people　start　upin　their　seats；　by　a　simultaneous　impulse；　and　tear　him　down　out　ofthe　pulpit　which　he　defiled？　Not　so；　indeed！　They　heard　it　all；　anddid　but　reverence　him　the　more。　They　little　guessed　what　deadlypurport　lurked　in　those　self…condemning　words。　〃The　godly　youth！〃　saidthey　among　themselves。　〃The　saint　on　earth！　Alas；　if　he　discern　suchsinfulness　in　his　own　white　soul；　what　horrid　spectacle　would　hebehold　in　thine　or　mine！〃　The　minister　well　knew…　subtle；　butremorseless　hypocrite　that　he　was！…　the　light　in　which　his　vagueconfession　would　be　viewed。　He　had　striven　to　put　a　cheat　upon　himselfby　making　the　avowal　of　a　guilty　conscience；　but　had　gained　only　oneother　sin；　and　a　self…acknowledged　shame；　without　the　momentary　reliefof　being　self…deceived。　He　had　spoken　the　very　truth；　andtransformed　it　into　the　veriest　falsehood。　And　yet；　by　theconstitution　of　his　nature；　he　loved　the　truth；　and　loathed　the　lie；as　few　men　ever　did。　Therefore；　above　all　things　else；　he　loathedhis　miserable　self！　　His　inward　trouble　drove　him　to　practices　more　in　accordance　withthe　old；　corrupted　faith　of　Rome；　than　with　the　better　light　of　theChurch　in　which　he　had　been　born　and　bred。　In　Mr。　Dimmesdale'ssecret　closet；　under　lock　and　key；　there　was　a　bloody　scourge。Oftentimes；　this　Protestant　and　Puritan　divine　had　plied　it　on　his　ownshoulders；　laughing　bitterly　at　himself　the　while；　and　smiting　so　muchthe　more　pitilessly　because　of　that　bitter　laugh。　It　was　his　custom；too；　as　it　has　been　that　of　many　other　pious　Puritans；　to　fast…　not；however；　like　them；　in　order　to　purify　the　body　and　render　it　thefitter　medium　of　celestial　illumination；　but　rigorously；　and　until　hisknees　trembled　beneath　him；　as　an　act　of　penance。　He　kept　vigils；likewise；　night　after　night；　sometimes　in　utter　darkness；　sometimeswith　a　glimmering　lamp；　and　sometimes；　viewing　his　own　face　in　alooking…glass；　by　the　most　powerful　light　which　he　could　throw　uponit。　He　thus　typified　the　constant　introspection　wherewith　he　tortured；but　could　not　purify；　himself。　In　these　lengthened　vigils；　his　brainoften　reeled；　and　visions　seemed　to　flit　before　him；　perhaps　seendoubtfully；　and　by　a　faint　light　of　their　own；　in　the　remote　dimnessof　the　chamber；　or　more　vividly；　and　close　beside　him；　within　thelooking…glass。　Now　it　was　a　herd　of　diabolic　shapes；　that　grinnedand　mocked　at　the　pale　minister；　and　beckoned　him　away　with　them；now　a　group　of　shining　angels；　who　flew　upward　heavily；　assorrow…laden；　but　grew　more　ethereal　as　they　rose。　Now　came　the　deadfriends　of　his　youth；　and　his　white…bearded　father；　with　asaint…like　frown；　and　his　mother；　turning　her　face　away　as　shepassed　by。　Ghost　of　a　mother…　thinnest　fantasy　of　a　mother…　methinksshe　might　yet　have　thrown　a　pitying　glance　towards　her　son！　And　now；through　the　chamber　which　these　spectral　thoughts　had　made　so　ghastly；glided　Hester　Prynne；　leading　along　little　Pearl；　in　her　scarlet　garb；and　pointing　her　forefinger；　first　at　the　scarlet　letter　on　her　bosom；and　then　at　the　clergyman's　own　breast。　　None　of　these　visions　ever　quite　deluded　him。　At　any　moment；　by　aneffort　of　his　will；　he　could　discern　substances　through　their　mistylack　of　substance；　and　convince　himself　that　they　were　not　solid　intheir　nature；　like　yonder　table　of　carved　oak；　or　that　big；　square；leathern…bound　and　brazen…clasped　volume　of　divinity。　But；　for　allthat；　they　were；　in　one　sense；　the　truest　and　most　substantialthings　which　the　poor　minister　now　dealt　with。　It　is　the　unspeakablemisery　of　a　life　so　false　as　his；　that　it　steals　the　pith　andsubstance　out　of　whatever　realities　there　are　around　us；　and　whichwere　meant　by　Heaven　to　be　the　spirit's　joy　and　nutriment。　To　theuntrue　man；　the　whole　universe　is　false…　it　is　impalpable…　it　shrinksto　nothing　within　his　grasp。　And　he　himself；　in　so　far　as　he　showshimself　in　a　false　light；　bees　a　shadow；　or；　indeed；　ceases　toexist。　The　only　truth　that　continued　to　give　Mr。　Dimmesdale　a　realexistence　on　this　earth；　was　the　anguish　in　his　inmost　soul；　and　theundissembled　expression　of　it　in　his　aspect。　Had　he　once　found　powerto　smile；　and　wear　a　face　of　gaiety；　there　would　have　been　no　suchman！　　On　one　of　those　ugly　nights；　which　we　have　faintly　hinted　at；　butforborne　to　picture　forth；　the　minister　started　from　his　chair。　Anew　thought　had　struck　him。　There　might　be　a　moment's　peace　in　it。Attiring　himself　with　as　much　care　as　if　it　had　been　for　publicworship；　and　precisely　in　the　same　manner；　he　stole　softly　down　thestaircase；　undid　the　door；　and　issued　forth。　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　XII。　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　THE　MINISTER'S　VIGIL。　　WALKING　in　the　shadow　of　a　dream；　as　it　were；　and　perhaps　actuallyunder　the　influence　of　a　species　of　somnambulism；　Mr　Dimmesdalereached　the　spot；　where；　now　so　long　since；　Hester　Prynne　had　livedthrough　her　first　hours　of　public　ignominy。　The　same　platform　orscaffold；　black　and　weather…stained　with　the　storm　or　sunshine　ofseven　long　years；　and　foot…worn；　too；　with　the　tread　of　manyculprits　who　had　since　ascended　it；　remained　standing　beneath　thebalcony　of　the　meeting…house。　The　minister　went　up　the　steps。　　It　was　an　obscure　night　of　early　May。　An　unvaried　pall　of　cloudmuffled　the　whole　expanse　of　sky　from　zenith　to　horizon。　If　the　samemultitude　which　had　stood　as　eye…witnesses　while　Hester　Prynnesustained　her　punishment　could　now　have　been　summoned　forth；　theywould　have　discerned　no　face　above　the　platform；　nor　hardly　theoutline　of　a　human　shape；　in　the　dark　grey　of　the　midnight。　But　thetown　was　all　asleep。　There　was　no　peril　of　discovery。　The　ministermight　stand　there；　if　it　so　pleased　him；　until　morning　should　reddenin　the　east；　without　other　risk　than　that　the　dank　and　chill　night…airwould　creep　into　his　frame；　and　stiffen　his　joints　with　rheumatism；and　clog　his　throat　with　catarrh　and　cough；　thereby　defrauding　theexpectant　audience　of　to…morrow's　prayer　and　sermon。　No　eye　couldsee　him；　save　that　ever…wakeful　one　which　had　seen　him　in　hiscloset；　wielding　the　bloody　scourge。　Why；　then；　had　he　e　hither？Was　it　but　the　mockery　of　penitence？　A　mockery；　indeed；　but　in　whichhis　soul　trifled　with　itself！　A　mockery　at　which　angels　blushed　andwept；　while　fiends　rejoiced；　with　jeering　laughter！　He　had　been　drivenhither　by　the　impulse　of　that　Remorse　which　dogged　him　everywhere；　andwhose　own　sister　and　closely　linked　panion　was　that　Cowardice　whichinvariably　drew　him　back；　with　her　tremulous　gripe；　just　when　theother　impulse　had　hurried　him　to　the　verge　of　a　disclosure。　Poor；miserable　man！　what　right　had　infirmity　like　his　to　burden　itself　withcrime？　Crime　is　for　the　iron…nerved；　who　have　their　choice　either　toendure　it；　or；　if　it　press　too　hard；　to　exert　their　fierce　andsavage　strength　for　a　good　purpose；　and　fling　it　off　at　once！　Thisfeeble　and　most　sensitive　of　spirits　could　do　neither；　yet　continuallydid　one　thing　or　another；　which　intertwined；　in　the　sameinextricable　knot；　the　agony　of　heaven…defying　guilt　and　vainrepentance。　　And　thus；　while　standing　on　the　scaffold；　in　this　vain　show　ofexpiation；　Mr。　Dimmesdale　was　overe　with　a　great　horror　of　mind；　asif　the　universe　were　gazing　at　a　scarlet　token　on　his　naked　breast；right　over　his　heart。　On　that　spot；　in　very　truth；　there　was；　andthere　had　long　been；　the　gnawing　and　poisonous　tooth　of　bodily　pain。Without　any　effort　of　his　will；　or　power　to　restrain　himself；　heshrieked　aloud；　an　outcry　that　went　pealing　through　the　night；　and　wasbeaten　back　from　one　house　to　another；　and　reverberated　from　the　hillsin　the　background；　as　if　a　pany　of　devils；　detecting　so　much　miseryand　terror　in　it；　had　made　a　plaything　of　the　sound；　and　were　bandyingit　to　and　fro。　　〃It　is　done！〃　muttered　the　minister；　covering　his　face　with　hishands。　〃The　whole　town　will　awake；　and　hurry　forth；　and　find　me　here！〃　　　But　it　was　not　so。　The　shriek　had　perhaps　sounded　with　a　fargreater　power；　to　his　own　startled　ears；　than　it　actually　possessed。The　town　did　not　awake；　or；　if　it　did；　the　drowsy　slumberers　mistookthe　cry　either　for　something　frightful　in