new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第9章

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he　might　have　been　thinking　about　right　and　wrong　again　while　he　watched　me　
sleep。　The　anxiety　seemed　
to　ratchet　up　the　intensity　of　the　pounding　in　my　head。　
Edward　was　waiting　for　me　at　school；　as　usual；　but　his　face　was　still　wrong。　
There　was　something　buried　
in　his　eyes　that　I　couldn't　be　sure　of—and　it　scared　me。　I　didn't　want　to　
bring　up　last　night；　but　I　wasn't　
sure　if　avoiding　the　subject　would　be　worse。　
He　opened　my　door　for　me。　
〃How　do　you　feel？〃　
〃Perfect；〃　I　lied；　cringing　as　the　sound　of　the　slamming　door　echoed　in　my　
head。　
We　walked　in　silence；　he　shortening　his　stride　to　match　mine。　There　were　so　
many　questions　I　wanted　to　
ask；　but　most　of　those　questions　would　have　to　wait；　because　chey　were　for　
Alice：　How　was　Jasper　this　
morning？　What　had　they　said　when　I　was　gone？　What　had　Rosalie　said？　And　most　
importantly；　what　
could　she　see　happening　now　in　her　strange；　imperfect　visions　of　the　future？　
Could　she　guess　what　
Edward　was　thinking；　why　he　was　so　gloomy？　Was　there　a　foundation　for　the　
tenuous；　instinctive　fears　
that　I　couldn't　seem　to　shake？　
The　morning　passed　slowly。　I　was　impatient　to　see　Alice；　though　I　wouldn't　be　
able　to　really　talk　to　her　
with　Edward　there。　Edward　remained　aloof。　Occasionally　he　would　ask　about　my　
arm；　and　I　would　lie。　
Alice　usually　beat　us　to　lunch；　she　didn't　have　to　keep　pace　with　a　sloth　like　
me。　But　she　wasn't　at　the　
table；　waiting　with　a　tray　of　food　she　wouldn't　eat。　
Edward　didn't　say　anything　about　her　absence。　I　wondered　to　myself　if　her　
class　was　running　late—until　I　
saw　Conner　and　Ben；　who　were　in　her　fourth　hour　French　class。　
〃Where's　Alice？〃　I　asked　Edward　anxiously。　
He　looked　at　the　granola　bar　he　was　slowly　pulverizing　between　his　fingertips　
while　he　answered。　〃She's　
with　Jasper。〃　
〃Is　he　okay？〃　
〃He's　gone　away　for　a　while。〃　
〃What？　Where？〃　
Edward　shrugged。　〃Nowhere　in　particular。〃　
〃And　Alice；　too；〃　I　said　with　quiet　desperation。　Of　course；　if　Jasper　needed　
her；　she　would　go。　
〃Yes。　She'll　be　gone　for　a　while。　She　was　trying　to　convince　him　to　go　to　
Denali。〃　
Denali　was　where　the　one　other　band　of　unique　vampires—good　ones　like　the　
Cullens—lived。　Tanya　and　
her　family。　I'd　heard　of　them　now　and　again。　Edward　had　run　to　them　last　
winter　when　my　arrival　had　
made　Forks　difficult　for　him。　Laurent；　the　most　civilized　member　of　James's　
little　coven；　had　gone　there　
rather　than　siding　with　James　against　the　Cullens。　It　made　sense　for　Alice　to　
encourage　Jasper　to　go　
there。　
I　swallowed；　trying　to　dislodge　the　sudden　lump　in　my　throat。　The　guilt　made　
my　head　bow　and　my　
shoulders　slump。　I'd　run　them　out　of　their　home；　just　like　Rosalie　and　Emmett。　
I　was　a　plague。　
〃Is　your　arm　bothering　you？〃　he　asked　solicitously。　
〃Who　cares　about　my　stupid　arm？〃　I　muttered　in　disgust。　
He　didn't　answer；　and　I　put　my　head　down　on　the　table。　
By　the　end　of　the　day；　the　silence　was　being　ridiculous。　I　didn't　want　to　
be　the　one　to　break　it；　but　
apparently　that　was　my　only　choice　if　I　ever　wanted　him　to　talk　to　me　again。　
〃You'll　e　over　later　tonight？〃　I　asked　as　he　walked　me—silently—to　my　
truck。　He　always　came　over。　
〃Later？〃　
It　pleased　me　that　he　seemed　surprised。　〃I　have　to　work。　I　had　to　trade　with　
Mrs。　Newton　to　get　
yesterday　off。〃　
〃Oh；〃　he　murmured。　
〃So　you'll　e　over　when　I'm　home；　though；　right？〃　I　hated　that　I　felt　
suddenly　unsure　about　this。　
〃If　you　want　me　to。〃　
〃I　always　want　you；〃　I　reminded　him；　with　perhaps　a　little　more　intensity　than　
the　conversation　required。　
I　expected　he　would　laugh；　or　smile；　or　react　somehow　to　my　words。　
〃All　right；　then；〃　he　said　indifferently。　
He　kissed　my　forehead　again　before　he　shut　the　door　on　me。　Then　he　turned　his　
back　and　loped　
gracefully　toward　his　car。　
I　was　able　to　drive　out　of　the　parking　lot　before　the　panic　really　hit；　but　I　
was　hyperventilating　by　the　time　
I　got　to　Newton's。　
He　just　needed　time；　I　told　myself。　He　would　get　over　this。　Maybe　he　was　sad　
because　his　family　was　
disappearing。　But　Alice　and　Jasper　would　e　back　soon；　and　Rosalie　and　
Emmett；　too。　If　it　would　
help；　I　would　stay　away　from　the　big　white　house　on　the　river—I'd　never　set　
foot　there　again。　That　didn't　
matter。　I'd　still　see　Alice　at　school。　She　would　have　to　e　back　for　school；　
right？　And　she　was　at　my　
place　all　the　time　anyway。　She　wouldn't　want　to　hurt　Charlie's　feelings　by　
staying　away。　
No　doubt　I　would　also　run　into　Carlisle　with　regularity—in　the　emergency　
room。　
After　all；　what　had　happened　last　night　was　nothing。　Nothing　had　happened。　So　
I　fell　down—that　was　
the　story　of　my　life。　pared　to　last　spring；　it　seemed　especially　
unimportant。　James　had　left　me　broken　
and　nearly　dead　from　loss　of　blood—and　yet　Edward　had　handled　the　
interminable　weeks　in　the　hospital　
much　better　than　this。　Was　it　because；　this　time；　it　wasn't　an　enemy　he'd　had　
to　protect　me　from？　
Because　it　was　his　brother？　
Maybe　it　would　be　better　if　he　took　me　away；　rather　than　his　family　being　
scattered。　I　grew　slightly　less　
depressed　as　I　considered　all　the　uninterrupted　alone　time。　If　he　could　just　
last　through　the　school　year；　
Charlie　wouldn't　be　able　to　object。　We　could　go　away　to　college；　or　pretend　
that's　what　we　were　doing；　
like　Rosalie　and　Emmett　this　year。　Surely　Edward　could　wait　a　year。　What　was　a　
year　to　an　immortal？　It　
didn't　even　seem　like　that　much　to　me。　
I　was　able　to　talk　myself　into　enough　posure　to　handle　getting　out　of　the　
truck　and　walking　to　the　
store。　Mike　Newton　had　beaten　me　here　today；　and　he　smiled　and　waved　when　I　
came　in。　I　grabbed　my　
vest；　nodding　vaguely　in　his　direction。　I　was　still　imagining　pleasant　
scenarios　that　consisted　of　me　running　
away　with　Edward　to　various　exotic　locales。　
Mike　interrupted　my　fantasy。　〃How　was　your　birthday？〃　
〃Ugh；〃　I　mumbled。　〃I'm　glad　it's　over。〃　
Mike　looked　at　me　from　the　corners　of　his　eyes　like　I　was　crazy。　
Work　dragged。　I　wanted　to　see　Edward　again；　praying　that　he　would　be　past　the　
worst　of　this；　whatever　
it　was　exactly；　by　the　time　I　saw　him　again。　It's　nothing；　I　told　myself　over　
and　over　again。　Everything　will　
go　back　to　normal。　
The　relief　I　felt　when　I　turned　onto　my　street　and　saw　Edward's　silver　car　
parked　in　front　of　my　house　
was　an　overwhelming；　heady　thing。　And　it　bothered　me　deeply　that　it　should　be　
that　way。　
I　hurried　through　the　front　door；　calling　out　before　I　was　pletely　inside。　
〃Dad？　Edward？〃　
As　I　spoke；　I　could　hear　the　distinctive　theme　music　from　ESPN's　SportsCenter　
ing　from　the　living　
room。　
〃In　here；〃　Charlie　called。　
I　hung　my　raincoat　on　its　peg　and　hurried　around　the　corner。　
Edward　was　in　the　armchair；　my　father　on　the　sofa。　Both　had　their　eyes　trained　
on　the　TV。　The　focus　was　
normal　for　my　father。　Not　so　much　for　Edward。　
〃Hi；〃　I　said　weakly。　
〃Hey；　Bella；〃　my　father　answered；　eyes　never　moving。　〃We　just　had　cold　pizza。　
I　think　it's　still　on　the　
table。〃　
〃Okay。〃　
I　waited　in　the　doorway。　Finally；　Edward　looked　over　at　me　with　a　polite　
smile。　〃I'll　be　right　behind　you；〃　
he　promised。　His　eyes　strayed　back　to　the　TV。　
I　stared　for　another　minute；　shocked。　Neither　one　seemed　to　notice。　I　could　
feel　something；　panic　maybe；　
building　up　in　my　chest。　I　escaped　to　the　kitchen。　
The　pizza　held　no　interest　for　me。　I　sat　in　my　chair；　pulled　my　knees　up；　and　
wrapped　my　arms　around　
them。　Something　was　very　wrong；　maybe　more　wrong　than　I'd　realized。　The　sounds　
of　male　bonding　and　
banter　continued　from　the　TV　set。　
I　tried　to　get　control　of　myself；　to　reason　with　myself。　
What's　the　worst　that　can　happen？　I　flinched。　That　was　definitely　the　wrong　
question　to　ask。　I　was　
having　a　hard　time　breathing　right。　
Okay；　I　thought　again；　what's　the　worst　I　can　live　through？　I　didn't　like　that　
question　so　much；　either。　
But　I　thought　through　the　possibilities　I'd　considered　today。　
Staying　away　from　Edward's　family。　Of　course；　he　wouldn't　expect　Alice　to　be　
part　of　that。　But　if　Jasper　
was　off　limits；　that　would　lessen　the　time　I　could　have　with　her。　I　nodded　to　
myself—I　could　live　with　
that。　
Or　going　away。　Maybe　he　wouldn't　want　to　wait　till　the　end　of　the　school　year；　
maybe　it　would　have　to　
be　now。　
In　front　of　me；　on　the　table；　my　presents　from　Charlie　and　Renee　were　where　I　
had　left　them；　the　camera　
I　hadn't　had　the　chance　to　use　at　the　Cullens'　sitting　beside　the　album。　I　
touched　the　pretty　cover　of　the　
scrapbook　my　mother　had　given　me；　and　sighed；　thinking　of　Renee。　Somehow；　
living　without　her　for　as　
long　as　I　had　did　not　make　the　idea　of　a　more　permanent　separation　easier。　And　
Charlie　would　be　left　all　
alone　here；　abandoned。　They　would　both　be　so　hurt　
But　we'd　e　back；　right？　We'd　visit；　of　course；　wouldn't　we？　
I　couldn't　be　certain　about　the　answer　to　that。　
I　leaned　my　cheek　against　my　knee；　staring　at　the　physical　tokens　of　my　
parents'　love。　I'd　known　this　path　
I'd　chosen　was　going　to　be　hard。　And；　after　all；　I　was　thinking　about　the　
worst…case　scenario—the　very　
worst　I　could　live　through。　
I　touched　the　scrapbook　again；　flipping　the　front　cover　over。　Little　metal　
corners　were　already　in　place　to　
hold