new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第79章

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I　flinched；　and　spoke　quickly。　〃That's　all　I　needed。　Thank　you。　For　wanting　to　
keep　me。　I　feel　exactly　the　
same　way　about　all　of　you；　too。〃　My　voice　was　jagged　with　emotion　by　the　end。　
Esme　was　at　my　side　in　a　flash；　her　cold　arms　around　me。　
〃Dearest　Bella；〃　she　breathed。　
I　hugged　her　back。　Out　of　the　corner　of　my　eye；　I　noticed　Rosalie　looking　down　
at　the　table；　and　I　
realized　that　my　words　could　be　construed　in　two　ways。　
〃Well；　Alice；〃　I　said　when　Esme　released　me。　〃Where　do　you　want　to　do　this？〃　
Alice　stared　at　me；　her　eyes　widening　with　terror。　
〃No！　No！　NO！〃　Edward　roared；　charging　back　into　the　room。　He　was　in　my　face　
before　I　had　time　to　
blink；　bending　over　me；　his　expression　twisted　in　rage。　〃Are　you　insane？〃　he　
shouted。　〃Have　you　utterly　
lost　your　mind？〃　
I　cringed　away；　my　hands　over　my　ears。　
〃Um；　Bella；〃　Alice　interjected　in　an　anxious　voice。　〃I　don't　think　I'm　ready　
for　that。　I'll　need　to　prepare〃　
〃You　promised；〃　I　reminded　her；　glaring　under　Edward's　arm。　
〃I　know；　but　Seriously；　Bella！　I　don't　have　any　idea　how　to　not　killyou。〃　
〃You　can　do　it；〃　I　encouraged。　〃I　trust　you。〃　
Edward　snarled　in　fury。　
Alice　shook　her　head　quickly；　looking　panicked。　
〃Carlisle？〃　I　turned　to　look　at　him。　
Edward　grabbed　my　face　in　his　hand；　forcing　me　to　look　at　him。　His　other　hand　
was　out；　palm　toward　
Carlisle。　
Carlisle　ignored　that。　〃I'm　able　to　do　it；〃　he　answered　my　question。　I　wished　
I　could　see　his　expression。　
〃You　would　be　in　no　danger　of　me　losing　control。〃　
〃Sounds　good。〃　I　hoped　he　could　understand；　it　was　hard　to　talk　clearly　the　
way　Edward　held　my　jaw。　
〃Hold　on；〃　Edward　said　between　his　teeth。　〃It　doesn't　have　to　be　now。〃　
〃There's　no　reason　for　it　not　to　be　now；〃　I　said；　the　words　ing　out　
distorted。　
〃I　can　think　of　a　few。〃　
〃Of　course　you　can；〃　I　said　sourly。　〃Now　let　go　of　me。〃　
He　freed　my　face；　and　folded　his　arms　across　his　chest。　〃In　about　two　hours；　
Charlie　will　be　here　looking　
for　you。　I　wouldn't　put　it　past　him　to　involve　the　police。〃　
〃All　three　of　them。〃　But　I　frowned。　
This　was　always　the　hardest　part。　Charlie；　Renee。　Now　Jacob；　too。　The　people　I　
would　lose；　the　people　
I　would　hurt。　I　wished　there　was　some　way　that　I　could　be　the　only　one　to　
suffer；　but　I　knew　that　was　
impossible。　
At　the　same　time；　I　was　hurting　them　more　by　staying　human。　Putting　Charlie　in　
constant　danger　through　
my　proximity。　Putting　Jake　in　worse　danger　still　by　drawing　his　enemies　across　
the　land　he　felt　bound　to　
protect。　And　Renee—I　couldn't　even　risk　a　visit　to　see　my　own　mother　for　fear　
of　bringing　my　deadly　
problems　along　with　me！　
I　was　a　danger　magnet；　I'd　accepted　that　about　myself。　
Accepting　this；　I　knew　I　needed　to　be　able　to　take　care　of　myself　and　protect　
the　ones　I　loved；　even　if　
that　meant　that　I　couldn't　be　with　them。　I　needed　to　be　strong。　
〃In　the　interest　of　remaining　inconspicuous；〃　Edward　said；　still　talking　
through　his　gritted　teeth；　but　
looking　at　Carlisle　now；　〃I　suggest　that　we　put　this　conversation　off；　at　the　
very　least　until　Bella　finishes　
high　school；　and　moves　out　of　Charlie's　house。〃　
〃That's　a　reasonable　request；　Bella；〃　Carlisle　pointed　out。　
I　thought　about　Charlie's　reaction　when　he　woke　up　this　morning；　if—after　all　
that　life　had　put　him　through　
in　the　last　week　with　Harry's　loss；　and　then　I　had　put　him　through　with　my　
unexplained　
disappearance—he　were　to　find　my　bed　empty。　Charlie　deserved　better　than　
that。　It　was　just　a　little　more　
time；　graduation　wasn't　so　far　away　
I　pursed　my　lips。　〃I'll　consider　it。〃　
Edward　relaxed。　His　jaw　unclenched。　
〃I　should　probably　take　you　home；〃　he　said；　more　calm　now；　but　clearly　in　a　
hurry　to　get　me　out　of　here。　
〃Just　in　case　Charlie　wakes　up　early。〃　
I　looked　at　Carlisle。　〃After　graduation？〃　
〃You　have　my　word。〃　
I　took　a　deep　breath；　smiled；　and　turned　back　to　Edward。　〃Okay。　You　can　take　
me　home。〃　
Edward　rushed　me　out　of　the　house　before　Carlisle　could　promise　me　anything　
else。　He　took　me　out　the　
back；　so　I　didn't　get　to　see　what　was　broken　in　the　living　room。　
It　was　a　quiet　trip　home。　I　was　feeling　triumphant；　and　a　little　smug。　Scared　
stiff；　too；　of　course；　but　I　tried　
not　to　think　about　that　part。　It　did　me　no　good　to　worry　about　the　pain—the　
physical　or　the　
emotional—so　I　wouldn't。　Not　until　I　absolutely　had　to。　
When　we　got　to　my　house；　Edward　didn't　pause。　He　dashed　up　the　wall　and　
through　my　window　in　half　a　
second。　Then　he　pulled　my　arms　frcm　around　his　neck　and　set　me　on　the　bed。　
I　thought　I　had　a　pretty　good　idea　of　what　he　was　thinking；　but　his　expression　
surprised　me。　Instead　of　
furious；　it　was　calculating。　He　paced　silently　back　and　forth　across　my　dark　
room　while　I　watched　with　
growing　suspicion。　
〃Whatever　you're　planning；　it's　not　going　to　work；〃　I　told　him。　
〃Shh。　I'm　thinking。〃　
〃Ugh；〃　I　groaned；　throwing　myself　back　on　the　bed　and　pulling　the　quilt　over　
my　head。　
There　was　no　sound；　but　suddenly　he　was　there。　He　flipped　the　cover　back　so　he　
could　see　me。　He　was　
lying　next　to　me。　His　hand　reached　up　to　brush　my　hair　from　my　cheek。　
〃If　you　don't　mind；　I'd　much　rather　you　didn't　hide　your　face。　I've　lived　
without　it　for　as　long　as　I　can　
stand。　Now　tell　me　something。〃　
〃What？〃　I　asked；　unwilling。　
〃If　you　could　have　anything　in　the　world；　anything　at　all；　what　would　it　be？〃　
I　could　feel　the　skepticism　in　my　eyes。　〃You。〃　
He　shook　his　head　impatiently。　〃Something　you　don't　already　have。〃　
I　wasn't　sure　where　he　was　trying　to　lead　me；　so　I　thought　carefully　before　I　
answered。　I　came　up　with　
something　that　was　both　true；　and　also　probably　impossible。　
〃I　would　want　Carlisle　not　to　have　to　do　it。　I　would　want　you　to　change　me。〃　
I　watched　his　reaction　warily；　expecting　more　of　the　fury　I'd　seen　at　his　
house。　I　was　surprised　that　his　
expression　didn't　change。　It　was　still　calculating；　thoughtful。　
〃What　would　you　be　willing　to　trade　for　that？〃　
I　couldn't　believe　my　ears。　I　gawked　at　his　posed　face　and　blurted　out　the　
answer　before　I　could　
think　about　it。　
〃Anything。〃　
He　smiled　faintly；　and　then　pursed　his　lips。　〃Five　years？〃　
My　face　twisted　into　an　expression　somewhere　between　chagrin　and　horror。　
〃You　said　anything；〃　he　reminded　me。　
〃Yes；　but　you'll　use　the　time　to　find　a　way　out　of　it。　I　have　to　strike　
while　the　iron　is　hot。　Besides；　it's　
just　too　dangerous　to　be　human—for　me；　at　least。　So；　anything　but　that。〃　
He　frowned。　〃Three　years？〃　
〃No！〃　
〃Isn't　it　worth　anyrhing　to　you　at　all？　〃　
I　thought　about　how　much　I　wanted　this。　Better　to　keep　a　poker　face；　I　
decided；　and　not　let　him　know　
how　very　much　that　was。　It　would　give　me　more　leverage。　〃Six　months？〃　
He　rolled　his　eyes。　〃Not　good　enough。〃　
〃One　year；　then；〃　I　said。　〃That's　my　limit。〃　
〃At　least　give　me　two。〃　
〃No　way。　Nineteen　I'll　do。　But　I'm　not　going　anywhere　near　twenty。　If　you're　
staying　in　your　teens　
forever；　then　so　am　I。〃　
He　thought　for　a　minute。　〃All　right。　Forget　time　limits。　If　you　want　me　to　be　
the　one—then　you'll　just　have　
to　meet　one　condition。〃　
〃Condition？〃　My　voice　went　flat。　〃What　condition？〃　
His　eyes　were　cautious—he　spoke　slowly。　〃Marry　me　first。〃　
I　stared　at　him；　waiting　〃Okay。　What's　the　punch　line？〃　
He　sighed。　〃You're　wounding　my　ego；　Bella。　I　just　proposed　to　you；　and　you　
think　it's　a　joke。〃　
〃Edward；　please　be　serious。〃　
〃I　am　one　hundred　percent　serious。〃　He　gazed　at　me　with　no　hint　of　humor　in　
his　face。　
〃Oh；　c'mon；〃　I　said；　an　edge　of　hysteria　in　my　voice。　〃I'm　only　eighteen。〃　
〃Well；　I'm　nearly　a　hundred　and　ten。　It's　time　I　settled　down。〃　
I　looked　away；　out　the　dark　window；　trying　to　control　the　panic　before　it　gave　
me　away。　
〃Look；　marriage　isn't　exactly　that　high　on　my　list　of　priorities；　you　know？　It　
was　sort　of　the　kiss　of　death　
for　Renee　and　Charlie。〃　
〃Interesting　choice　of　words。〃　
〃You　know　what　I　mean。〃　
He　inhaled　deeply。　〃Please　don't　tell　me　that　you're　afraid　of　the　
mitment；〃　his　voice　was　disbelieving；　
and　I　understood　what　he　meant。　
〃That's　not　it　exactly；〃　I　hedged。　〃I'm　afraid　of　Renee。　She　has　some　really　
intense　opinions　on　getting　
married　before　you're　thirty。〃　
〃Because　she'd　rather　you　became　one　of　the　eternal　damned　than　get　married。〃　
He　laughed　darkly。　
〃You　think　you're　joking。〃　
〃Bella；　if　you　pare　the　level　of　mitment　between　a　marital　union　as　
opposed　to　bartering　your　soul　
in　exchange　for　an　eternity　as　a　vampire〃　He　shook　his　head。　〃If　you're　not　
brave　enough　to　marry　me；　
then—〃　
〃Well；〃　I　interrupted。　〃What　if　I　did？　What　if　I　told　you　to　take　me　to　Vegas　
now？　Would　I　be　a　vampire　
in　three　days？〃　
He　smiled；　his　teeth　flashing　in　the　dark。　〃Sure；〃　he　said；　calling　my　bluff。　
〃I'll　get　my　car。〃　
〃Dammit。〃　I　muttered。　〃I'll　give　you　eighteen　months。〃　
〃No　deal；〃　he　said；　grinning。　〃I　like　this　condition。〃　
〃Fine。　I'll　have　Carlisle　do　it　when　I　graduate。〃　
〃If　that's　what　you　really　want。〃　He　shrugged；　and　his　smile　became　absolutely　
angelic。　
〃You're　impossible；〃　I　groaned。　〃A　monster。〃　
He　chuckled。　〃Is　that　why　you　won't　marry　me？〃　
I　groaned　again。　
He　leaned　toward　me；　his　night…dark　eyes　melted　and　smoldered　and　shattered　my　
concentration。