new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第54章

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the　road　to　his　house。　
〃No。　She　took　off　into　the　water—the　bloodsuckers　have　the　advantage　there。　
That's　why　I　raced　
home—I　was　afraid　she　was　going　to　double　back　swimming。　You　spend　so　much　
time　on　the　beach〃　
He　trailed　off；　a　catch　in　his　throat。　
〃Sam　came　back　with　you　is　everyone　else　home；　too？〃　I　hoped　they　weren't　
still　out　searching　for　her。　
〃Yeah。　Sort　of。〃　
I　tried　to　read　his　expression；　squinting　into　the　hammering　rain。　His　eyes　
were　tight　with　worry　or　pain。　
The　words　that　hadn't　made　sense　before　suddenly　did。　〃You　said　hospital。　
Before；　to　Sam。　Is　
someone　hurt？　Did　she　fight　you？〃　My　voice　jumped　up　an　octave；　sounding　
strange　with　the　hoarseness。　
〃No；　no。　When　we　got　back；　Em　was　waiting　with　the　news。　It's　Harry　
Clearwater。　Harry　had　a　heart　
attack　this　morning。〃　
〃Harry？〃　I　shook　my　head；　trying　to　absorb　what　he　was　staying。　〃Oh；　no！　Does　
Charlie　know？〃　
〃Yeah。　He's　over　there；　too；　with　my　dad。〃　
〃Is　Harry　going　to　be　okay？〃　
Jacob's　eyes　tightened　again。　〃It　doesn't　look　so　great　right　now。〃　
Abruptly；　I　felt　really　sick　with　guilt—felt　truly　horrible　about　the　
brainless　cliff　dive。　Nobody　needed　to　
be　worrying　about　me　right　now。　What　a　stupid　time　to　be　reckless。　
〃What　can　I　do？〃　I　asked。　
At　that　moment　the　rain　stopped。　I　hadn't　realized　we　were　already　back　to　
Jacob's　house　until　he　
walked　through　the　door。　The　storm　pounded　against　the　roof。　
〃You　can　stay　here；〃　Jacob　said　as　he　dumped　me　on　the　short　couch。　〃I　mean　it
—right　here　I'll　get　you　
some　dry　clothes。〃　
I　let　my　eyes　adjust　to　the　dark　room　while　Jacob　banged　around　in　his　
bedroom。　The　cramped　front　
room　seemed　so　empty　without　Billy；　almost　desolate。　It　was　strangely　ominous
—probably　just　because　
I　knew　where　he　was。　
Jacob　was　back　in　seconds。　He　threw　a　pile　of　gray　cotton　at　me。　〃These　will　
be　huge　on　you；　but　it's　the　
best　I've　got。　I'll；　er；　step　outside　so　you　can　change。〃　
〃Don't　go　anywhere。　I'm　too　tired　to　move　yet。　Just　stay　with　me。〃　
Jacob　sat　on　the　floor　next　to　me；　his　back　against　the　couch。　I　wondered　when　
he'd　slept　last。　He　
looked　as　exhausted　as　I　felt。　
He　leaned　his　head　on　the　cushion　next　to　mine　and　yawned。　〃Guess　I　could　rest　
for　a　minute〃　
His　eyes　closed。　I　let　mine　slide　shut；　too。　
Poor　Harry。　Poor　Sue。　I　knew　Charlie　was　going　to　be　beside　himself。　Harry　was　
one　of　his　best　friends。　
Despite　Jake's　negative　take　on　things；　I　hoped　fervently　that　Harry　would　
pull　through。　For　Charlie's　
sake。　For　Sue's　and　Leah's　and　Seth's　
Billy's　sofa　was　right　next　to　the　radiator；　and　I　was　warm　now；　despite　my　
soaked　clothes。　My　lungs　
ached　in　a　way　that　pushed　me　toward　unconsciousness　rather　than　keeping　me　
awake。　I　wondered　
vaguely　if　it　was　wrong　to　sleep　or　was　I　getting　drowning　mixed　up　with　
concussions　？　Jacob　
began　softly　snoring；　and　the　sound　of　it　soothed　like　a　lullaby。　I　fell　
asleep　quickly。　
For　the　first　time　in　a　very　long　time；　my　dream　was　just　a　normal　dream。　Just　
a　blurred　wandering　
through　old　memories—blinding　bright　visions　of　the　Phoenix　sun；　my　mother's　
face；　a　ramshackle　tree　
house；　a　faded　quilt；　a　wall　of　mirrors；　a　flame　on　the　black　water　I　forgot　
each　of　them　as　soon　as　the　
picture　changed。　
The　last　picture　was　the　only　one　that　stuck　in　my　head。　It　was　meaningless—
just　a　set　on　a　stage。　A　
balcony　at　night；　a　painted　moon　hanging　in　the　sky。　I　watched　the　girl　in　her　
nightdress　lean　on　the　railing　
and　talk　to　herself。　
Meaningless　but　when　I　slowly　struggled　back　to　consciousness；　Juliet　was　on　
my　mind。　
Jacob　was　still　asleep；　he'd　slumped　down　to　the　floor　and　his　breathing　was　
deep　and　even。　The　house　
was　darker　now　than　before；　it　was　black　outside　the　window。　I　was　stiff；　but　
warm　and　almost　dry。　The　
inside　of　my　throat　burned　with　every　breath　I　took。　
I　was　going　to　have　to　get　up—at　least　to　get　a　drink。　But　my　body　just　
wanted　tc　he　here　limp；　to　never　
move　again。　
Instead　of　moving；　I　thought　about　Juliet　some　more。　
I　wondered　what　she　would　have　done　if　Romeo　had　left　her；　not　because　he　was　
banished；　but　because　
he　lost　interests　What　if　Rosalind　had　given　him　the　time　of　day；　and　he'd　
changed　his　mind？　What　if；　
instead　of　marrying　Juliet；　he'd　just　disappeared？　
I　thought　I　knew　how　Juliet　would　feel。　
She　wouldn't　go　back　to　her　old　life；　not　really。　She　wouldn't　ever　have　moved　
on；　I　was　sure　of　that。　
Even　if　she'd　lived　until　she　was　old　and　gray；　every　time　she　closed　her　
eyes；　it　would　have　been　
Romeo's　face　she　saw　behind　her　lids。　She　would　have　accepted　that；　
eventually。　
I　wondered　if　she　would　have　married　Paris　in　the　end；　just　to　please　her　
parents；　to　keep　the　peace。　No；　
probably　not；　I　decided。　But　then；　the　story　didn't　say　much　about　Paris。　He　
was　just　a　stick　figure—a　
placeholder；　a　threat；　a　deadline　to　force　her　hand。　
What　if　there　were　more　to　Paris？　
What　if　Paris　had　been　Juliet's　friend？　Her　very　best　friend？　What　if　he　was　
the　only　one　she　could　
confide　in　about　the　whole　devastating　thing　with　Romeo？　The　one　person　who　
really　understood　her　and　
made　her　feel　halfway　human　again？　What　if　he　was　patient　and　kind？　What　if　he　
took　care　of　her？　What　
if　Juliet　knew　she　couldn't　survive　without　him？　What　if　he　really　loved　her；　
and　wanted　her　to　be　happy？　
And　what　if　she　loved　Paris？　Not　like　Romeo。　Nothing　like　that；　of　course。　
But　enough　that　she　
wanted　him　to　be　happy；　too？　
Jacob's　slow；　deep　breathing　was　the　only　sound　in　the　room—like　a　lullaby　
hummed　to　a　child；　like　the　
whisper　of　a　rocking　chair；　like　the　ticking　of　an　old　clock　when　you　had　
nowhere　you　needed　to　goIt　
was　the　sound　of　fort。　
If　Romeo　was　really　gone；　never　ing　back；　would　it　have　mattered　whether　or　
not　Juliet　had　taken　
Paris　up　on　his　offer？　Maybe　she　should　have　tried　to　settle　into　the　leftover　
scraps　of　life　that　were　left　
behind。　Maybe　that　would　have　been　as　close　to　happiness　as　she　could　get。　
I　sighed；　and　then　groaned　when　the　sigh　scraped　my　throat。　I　was　reading　too　
much　into　the　story。　
Romeo　wouldn't　change　his　mind。　That's　why　people　still　remembered　his　name；　
always　twined　with　hers：　
Romeo　and　Juliet。　That's　why　it　was　a　good　story。　〃Juliet　gets　dumped　and　ends　
up　with　Paris〃　would　
have　never　been　a　hit。　
I　closed　my　eyes　and　drifted　again；　letting　my　mind　wander　away　from　the　
stupid　play　I　didn't　want　to　
think　about　anymore。　I　thought　about　reality　instead—about　jumping　off　the　
cliff　and　what　a　brainless　
mistake　that　had　been。　And　not　just　the　cliff；　but　the　motorcycles　and　the　
whole　irresponsible　Evel　
Knievel　bit。　What　if　something　bad　happened　to　me？　What　would　that　do　to　
Charlie？　Harry's　heart　
attack　had　pushed　everything　suddenly　into　perspective　for　me。　Perspective　
that　I　didn't　want　to　see；　
because—if　I　admitted　to　the　truth　of　it—it　would　mean　that　I　would　have　to　
change　my　ways。　Could　I　
live　like　that？　
Maybe。　It　wouldn't　be　easy；　in　fact；　it　would　be　downright　miserable　to　give　
up　my　hallucinations　and　try　
to　be　a　grown…up。　But　maybe　I　should　do　it。　And　maybe　I　could。　If　I　had　Jacob。　
I　couldn't　make　that　decision　right　now。　It　hurt　too　much。　I'd　think　about　
something　else。　
Images　from　my　ill…considered　afternoon　stunt　rolled　through　my　head　while　I　
tried　to　e　up　with　
something　pleasant　to　think　about　the　feel　of　the　air　as　I　fell；　the　
blackness　of　the　water；　the　thrashing　of　
the　current　Edward's　face　I　lingered　there　for　a　long　time。　Jacob's　warm　
hands；　trying　to　beat　life　
back　into　me　the　stinging　rain　flung　down　by　the　purple　clouds　the　strange　
fire　on　the　waves　
There　was　something　familiar　about　that　flash　of　color　on　top　of　the　water。　Of　
course　it　couldn't　really　be　
fire—　
My　thoughts　were　interrupted　by　the　sound　of　a　car　squelching　through　the　mud　
on　the　road　outside。　I　
heard　it　stop　in　front　of　the　house；　and　doors　started　opening　and　closing。　I　
thought　about　sitting　up；　and　
then　decided　against　that　idea。　
Billy's　voice　was　easily　identifiable；　but　he　kept　it　uncharacteristically　
low；　so　that　it　was　only　a　gravelly　
grumble。　
The　door　opened；　and　the　light　flicked　on。　I　blinked；　momentarily　blind。　Jake　
startled　awake；　gasping　and　
jumping　to　his　feet。　
〃Sorry；〃　Billy　grunted。　〃Did　we　wake　you？〃　
My　eyes　slowly　focused　on　his　face；　and　then；　as　I　could　read　his　expression；　
they　filled　with　tears。　
〃Oh；　no；　Billy！〃　I　moaned。　
He　nodded　slowly；　his　expression　hard　with　grief。　Jake　hurried　to　his　father　
and　took　one　of　his　hands。　
The　pain　made　his　face　suddenly　childlike—it　looked　odd　on　top　of　the　man's　
body。　
Sam　was　right　behind　Billy；　pushing　his　chair　through　the　door。　His　normal　
posure　was　absent　from　
his　agonized　face。　
〃I'm　so　sorry；〃　I　whispered。　
Billy　nodded。　〃It's　gonna　be　hard　all　around。〃　
〃Where's　Charlie？〃　
〃Your　dad　is　still　at　the　hospital　with　Sue。　There　are　a　lot　of　arrangements　
to　be　made。〃　
I　swallowed　hard。　
〃I'd　better　get　back　there；〃　Sam　mumbled；　and　he　ducked　hastily　out　the　door。　
Billy　pulled　his　hand　away　from　Jacob；　and　then　he　rolled　himself　through　the　
kitchen　toward　his　room。　
Jake　stared　a