new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第53章

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It　felt　like　the　waves　were　fighting　over　me；　jerking　me　back　and　forth　
between　them　as　if　determined　to　
share　by　pulling　me　into　halves。　I　knew　the　right　way　to　avoid　a　riptide：　swim　
parallel　to　the　beach　rather　
than　struggling　for　the　shore。　But　the　knowledge　did　me　little　good　when　I　
didn't　know　which　way　the　
shore　was。　
I　couldn't　even　tell　which　way　the　surface　was。　
The　angry　water　was　black　in　every　direction；　there　was　no　brightness　to　
direct　me　upward。　Gravity　was　
all…powerful　when　it　peted　with　the　air；　but　it　had　nothing　on　the　waves—I　
couldn't　feel　a　downward　
pull；　a　sinking　in　any　direction。　Just　the　battering　of　the　current　that　flung　
me　round　and　round　like　a　rag　
doll。　
I　fought　to　keep　my　breath　in；　to　keep　my　lips　locked　around　my　last　store　of　
oxygen。　
It　didn't　surprise　me　that　my　delusion　of　Edward　was　there。　He　owed　me　that　
much；　considering　that　I　
was　dying。　I　was　surprised　by　how　sure　that　knowledge　was。　I　was　going　to　
drown。　I　was　drowning。　
〃Keep　swimming！〃　Edward　begged　urgently　in　my　head。　
Where？　There　was　nothing　but　the　darkness。　There　was　no　place　to　swim　to。　
〃Stop　that！〃　he　ordered。　〃Don't　you　dare　give　up！〃　
The　cold　of　the　water　was　numbing　my　arms　and　legs。　I　didn't　feel　the　
buffeting　so　much　as　before。　It　was　
more　of　just　a　dizziness　now；　a　helpless　spinning　in　the　water。　
But　I　listened　to　him。　I　forced　my　arms　to　continue　reaching；　my　legs　to　kick　
harder；　though　every　second　
I　was　facing　a　new　direction。　It　couldn't　be　doing　any　good。　What　was　the　
point？　
〃Fight！〃　he　yelled。　〃Damn　it；　Bella；　keep　fighting。〃　
Why？　
I　didn't　want　to　fight　anymore。　And　it　wasn't　the　light…headedness；　or　the　
cold；　or　the　failure　of　my　arms　
as　the　muscles　gave　out　in　exhaustion；　that　made　me　content　to　stay　where　I　
was。　I　was　almost　happy　
that　it　was　over。　This　was　an　easier　death　than　others　I'd　faced。　Oddly　
peaceful。　
I　thought　briefly　of　the　clichés；　about　how　you　were　suppose　to　see　your　life　
flash　before　your　eyes。　I　was　
so　much　luckier。　Who　wanted　to　see　a　rerun；　anyway？　
I　saw　him；　and　I　had　no　will　to　fight。　It　was　so　clear；　so　much　more　defined　
than　any　memory。　My　
subconscious　had　stored　Edward　away　in　flawless　detail；　saving　him　for　this　
final　moment。　I　could　see　his　
perfect　face　as　if　he　were　really　there；　the　exact　shade　of　his　icy　skin；　the　
shape　of　his　lips；　the　line　of　his　
jaw；　the　gold　glinting　in　his　furious　eyes。　He　was　angry；　naturally；　that　I　
was　giving　up。　His　teeth　were　
clenched　and　his　nostrils　flared　with　rage。　
〃No！　Bella；　no！〃　
My　ears　were　flooded　with　the　freezing　water；　but　his　voice　was　clearer　than　
ever。　I　ignored　his　words　
and　concentrated　on　the　sound　of　his　voice。　Why　would　I　fight　when　I　was　so　
happy　where　I　was？　Even　
as　my　lungs　burned　for　more　air　and　my　legs　cramped　in　the　icy　cold；　I　was　
content。　I'd　forgotten　what　
real　happiness　felt　like。　
Happiness。　It　made　the　whole　dying　thing　pretty　bearable。　
The　current　won　at　that　moment；　shoving　me　abruptly　against　something　hard；　a　
rock　invisible　in　the　
gloom。　It　hit　me　solidly　across　the　chest；　slamming　into　me　like　an　iron　bar；　
and　the　breath　whooshed　out　
of　my　lungs；　escaping　in　a　thick　cloud　of　silver　bubbles。　Water　flooded　down　
my　throat；　choking　and　
burning。　The　iron　bar　seemed　to　be　dragging　me；　pulling　me　away　from　Edward；　
deeper　into　the　dark；　to　
the　ocean　floor。　
Goodbye；　I　love　you；　was　my　last　thought。　
　16。　PARIS
AT　THAT　MOMENT；　MY　HEAD　BROKE　THE　SURFACE。　
How　disorienting。　I'd　been　sure　I　was　sinking。　
The　current　wouldn't　let　up。　It　was　slamming　me　against　more　rocks；　they　beat　
against　the　center　of　my　
back　sharply；　rhythmically；　pushing　the　water　from　my　lungs。　It　gushed　out　in　
amazing　volume；　absolute　
torrents　pouring　from　my　mouth　and　nose。　The　salt　burned　and　my　lungs　burned　
and　my　throat　was　too　
full　of　water　to　catch　a　breath　and　the　rocks　were　hurting　my　back。　Somehow　I　
stayed　in　one　place；　
though　the　waves　still　heaved　around　me。　I　couldn't　see　anything　but　water　
everywhere；　reaching　for　my　
face。　
〃Breathe！〃　a　voice；　wild　with　anxiety；　ordered；　and　I　felt　a　cruel　stab　of　
pain　wher　I　recognized　the　
voice—because　it　wasn't　Edward's。　
I　could　not　obey。　The　waterfall　pouring　from　my　mouth　didn't　stop　long　enough　
for　me　to　catch　a　breath。　
The　black；　icy　water　filled　my　chest；　burning。　
The　rock　smacked　into　my　back　again；　right　between　my　shoulder　blades；　and　
another　volley　of　water　
choked　its　way　out　of　my　lungs。　
〃Breathe；　Bella！　C'mon！〃　Jacob　begged。　
Black　spots　bloomed　across　my　vision；　getting　wider　and　wider；　blocking　out　
the　light。　
The　rock　struck　me　again。　
The　rock　wasn't　cold　like　the　water；　it　was　hot　on　my　skin。　I　realized　it　was　
Jacob's　hand；　trying　to　beat　
the　water　from　my　lungs。　The　iron　bar　that　had　dragged　me　from　the　sea　was　
also　warm　My　head　
whirled；　the　black　spots　covered　everything　
Was　I　dying　again；　then？　I　didn't　like　it—this　wasn't　as　good　as　the　last　
time。　It　was　only　dark　now；　
nothing　worth　looking　at　here。　The　sound　of　the　crashing　waves　faded　into　the　
black　and　became　a　quiet；　
even　whoosh　that　sounded　like　it　was　ing　from　the　inside　of　my　ears　
〃Bella？〃　Jacob　asked；　his　voice　still　tense；　but　not　as　wild　as　before。　
〃Bells；　honey；　can　you　hear　me？〃　
The　contents　of　my　head　swished　and　rolled　sickeningly；　like　they'd　joined　the　
rough　water　
〃How　long　has　she　been　unconscious？〃　someone　else　asked。　
The　voice　that　was　not　Jacob's　shocked　me；　jarred　me　into　a　more　focused　
awareness。　
I　realized　that　I　was　still。　There　was　no　tug　of　the　current　on　me—the　
heaving　was　inside　my　head。　The　
surface　under　me　was　flat　and　motionless。　It　felt　grainy　against　my　bare　arms。　
〃I　don't　know；〃　Jacob　reported；　still　frantic。　His　voice　was　very　close。　Hands
—so　warm　they　had　to　be　
his—brushed　wet　hair　from　my　cheeks。　〃A　few　minutes？　It　didn't　take　long　to　
tow　her　to　the　beach。〃　
The　quiet　whooshing　inside　my　ears　was　not　the　waves—it　was　the　air　moving　in　
and　out　of　my　lungs　
again。　Each　breath　burned—the　passageways　were　as　raw　as　if　I'd　scrubbed　them　
out　with　steel　wool。　
But　I　was　breathing。　
And　I　was　freezing。　A　thousand　sharp；　icy　beads　were　striking　my　face　and　
arms；　making　the　cold　worse。　
〃She's　breathing。　She'll　e　around。　We　should　get　her　out　of　the　cold；　
though。　I　don't　like　the　color　
she's　turning〃　I　recognized　Sam's　voice　this　time。　
〃You　think　it's　okay　to　move　her？〃　
〃She　didn't　hurt　her　back　or　anything　when　she　fell？〃　
〃I　don't　know。〃　
They　hesitated。　
I　tried　to　open　my　eyes。　It　took　me　a　minute；　but　then　I　could　see　the　dark；　
purple　clouds；　flinging　the　
freezing　rain　down　at　me。　〃Jake？〃　I　croaked。　
Jacob's　face　blocked　out　the　sky。　〃Oh！〃　he　gasped；　relief　washing　over　his　
features。　His　eyes　were　wet　
from　the　rain。　〃Oh；　Bella！　Are　you　okay？　Can　you　hear　me？　Do　you　hurt　
anywhere？〃　
〃J…Just　m…my　throat；〃　I　stuttered；　my　lips　quivering　from　the　cold。　
〃Let's　get　you　out　of　here；　then；〃　Jacob　said。　He　slid　his　arms　under　me　and　
lifted　me　without　effort—like　
picking　up　an　empty　box。　His　chest　was　bare　and　warm；　he　hunched　his　shoulders　
to　keep　the　rain　off　of　
me。　My　head　lolled　over　his　arm。　I　stared　vacantly　back　toward　the　furious　
water；　beating　the　sand　
behindhim。　
〃You　got　her？〃　I　heard　Sam　ask。　
〃Yeah；　I'll　take　it　from　here。　Get　back　to　the　hospital。　I'll　join　you　later。　
Thanks；　Sam。〃　
My　head　was　still　rolling。　None　of　his　words　sunk　in　at　first。　Sam　didn't　
answer。　There　was　no　sound；　and　
I　wondered　if　he　were　already　gone。　
The　water　licked　and　writhed　up　the　sand　after　us　as　Jacob　carried　me　away；　
like　it　was　angry　that　I'd　
escaped。　As　I　stared　wearily；　a　spark　of　color　caught　my　unfocused　eyes—a　
small　flash　of　fire　was　
dancing　on　the　black　water；　far　out　in　the　bay。　The　image　made　no　sense；　and　I　
wondered　how　conscious　
I　really　was。　My　head　swirled　with　the　memory　of　the　black；　churning　water—of　
being　so　lost　that　I　
couldn't　find　up　or　down。　So　lost　but　somehow　Jacob　
〃How　did　you　find　me？〃　I　rasped。　
〃I　was　searching　for　you；〃　he　told　me。　He　was　half…jogging　through　the　rain；　
up　the　beach　toward　the　
road。　〃I　followed　the　tire　tracks　to　your　truck；　and　then　I　heard　you　scream
〃　He　shuddered。　〃Why　
would　you　jump；　Bella？　Didn't　you　notice　that　it's　turning　into　a　hurricane　
out　here？　Couldn't　you　have　
waited　for　me？〃　Anger　filled　his　tone　as　the　relief　faded。　
〃Sorry；〃　I　muttered。　〃It　was　stupid。〃　
〃Yeah；　it　was　really　stupid；〃　he　agreed；　drops　of　rain　shaking　free　of　his　
hair　as　he　nodded。　〃Look；　do　
you　mind　saving　the　stupid　stuff　for　when　I'm　around？　I　won't　be　able　to　
concentrate　if　I　think　you're　
jumping　off　cliffs　behind　my　back。〃　
〃Sure；〃　I　agreed。　〃No　problem。〃　I　sounded　like　a　chain…smoker。　I　tried　to　
clear　my　throat—and　then　
winced；　the　throat…clearing　felt　like　stabbing　a　knife　down　there。　〃What　
happened　today？　Did　you　find　
her？〃　It　was　my　turn　to　shudder；　though　I　wasn't　so　cold　here；　right　next　to　
his　ridiculous　body　heat。　
Jacob　shook　his　head。　He　was　still　more　running　than　walking　as　he　headed　up　
the　road　to　his　house。　
〃No。　She　took　off　into　the　water—the