new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第50章

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That's　nice。　Poor　girl。〃　
〃Do　you　know　what　happened　to　her？〃　
〃Mauled　by　a　bear；　up　north；　during　salmon　spawning　season—horrible　accident　
It　was　more　than　a　year　
ago　now。　I　heard　Sam　was　really　messed　up　over　it。〃　
〃That's　horrible；〃　I　echoed。　More　than　a　year　ago。　I'd　bet　that　meant　it　had　
happened　when　there　was　just　
one　werewolf　in　La　Push。　I　shuddered　at　the　thought　of　how　Sam　must　have　felt　
every　time　he　looked　at　
Emily's　face。　
That　night；　I　lay　awake　for　a　long　time　trying　to　sort　through　the　day。　I　
worked　my　way　backward　
through　dinner　with　Billy；　Jacob；　and　C　harlie；　to　the　long　afternoon　in　the　
Blacks'　house；　waiting　
anxiously　to　hear　something　from　Jacob；　to　Emily's　kitchen；　to　the　horror　of　
the　werewolf　fight；　to　talking　
with　Jacob　on　the　beach。　
I　thought　about　what　Jacob　had　said　early　this　morning；　about　hypocrisy。　I　
thought　about　that　for　a　long　
time。　I　didn't　like　to　think　that　I　was　a　hypocrite；　only　what　was　the　point　
of　lying　to　myself？　
I　curled　into　a　tight　ball。　No；　Edward　wasn't　a　killer。　Even　in　his　darker　
past；　he'd　never　been　a　murderer　
of　innocents；　at　least。　
But　what　if　he　had　been？　What　if；　during　the　time　I　that　I'd　known　him；　he'd　
been　just　like　any　other　
vampire？　What　if　people　had　been　disappearing　from　the　woods；　just　like　now？　
Would　that　have　kept　
me　away　from　him？　
I　shook　my　head　sadly。　Love　is　irrational；　I　reminded　myself。　The　more　you　
loved　someone；　the　less　
sense　anything　made。　
I　rolled　over　and　tried　to　think　of　something　else—and　I　thought　of　Jacob　and　
his　brothers；　out　running　in　
the　darkness。　I　fell　asleep　imagining　the　wolves；　invisible　in　the　night；　
guarding　me　from　danger。　When　I　
dreamed；　I　stood　in　the　forest　again；　but　I　didn't　wander。　I　was　holding　
Emily's　scarred　hand　as　we　faced　
into　the　shadows　and　waited　anxiously　for　our　werewolves　to　e　home。
　15。　PRESSURE
IT　WAS　SPRING　BREAK　IN　FORKS　AGAIN。　WHEN　I　WOKE　UP　on　Monday　morning；　I　lay　in　
bed　for　a　few　seconds　absorbing　that。　Last　spring　break；　I'd　been　hunted　by　a　
vampire；　too。　I　hoped　this　
wasn't　some　kind　of　tradition　forming。　
Already　I　was　falling　into　the　pattern　of　things　in　La　Push。　I'd　spent　Sunday　
mostly　on　the　beach；　while　
Charlie　hung　out　with　Billy　at　the　Blacks'　house。　I　was　supposed　to　be　with　
Jacob；　but　Jacob　had　other　
things　to　do；　so　I　wandered　alone；　keeping　the　secret　from　Charlie。　
When　Jacob　dropped　in　to　check　on　me；　he　apologized　for　ditching　me　so　much。　
He　told　me　his　
schedule　wasn't　always　this　crazy；　but　until　Victoria　was　stopped；　the　wolves　
were　on　red　alert。　
When　we　walked　along　the　beach　now；　he　always　held　my　hand。　
This　made　me　brood　over　what　Jared　had　said；　about　Jacob　involving　his　
〃girlfriend。〃　I　supposed　that　that　
was　exactly　what　it　looked　like　from　the　outside。　As　long　as　Jake　and　I　knew　
how　it　really　was；　I　
shouldn't　let　those　kinds　of　assumptions　bother　me。　And　maybe　they　wouldn't；　
if　I　hadn't　known　that　
Jacob　would　have　loved　for　things　to　be　what　they　appeared。　But　his　hand　felt　
nice　as　it　warmed　mine；　
and　I　didn't　protest。　
I　worked　Tuesday　afternoon—Jacob　followed　me　on　his　bike　to　make　sure　I　
arrived　safely—and　Mike　
noticed。　
〃Are　you　dating　that　kid　from　La　Push？　The　sophomore？〃　He　asked；　poorly　
disguising　the　resentment　in　
his　tone。　
I　shrugged。　〃Not　in　the　technical　sense　of　the　word。　I　do　spent　most　of　my　
time　with　Jacob；　though。　He's　
my　best　friend。〃　
Mike's　eyes　narrowed　shrewdly。　〃Don't　kid　yourself；　Bella。　The　guy's　head　over　
heels　for　you。〃　
〃I　know；〃　I　sighed。　〃Life　is　plicated。〃　
〃And　girls　are　cruel；〃　Mike　said　under　his　breath。　
I　supposed　that　was　an　easy　assumption　to　make；　too。　
That　night；　Sam　and　Emily　joined　Charlie　and　me　for　dessert　at　Billy's　house。　
Emily　brought　a　cake　that　
would　have　won　over　a　harder　man　than　Charlie。　I　could　see；　as　the　
conversation　flowed　naturally　
through　a　range　of　casual　subjects；　that　any　worries　Charlie　might　have　
harbored　about　gangs　in　La　Push　
were　being　dissolved。　
Jake　and　I　skipped　out　early；　to　get　some　privacy。　We　went　out　to　his　garage　
and　sat　in　the　Rabbit。　
Jacob　leaned　his　head　back；　his　face　drawn　with　exhaustion。　
〃You　need　some　sleep；　Jake。〃　
〃I'll　get　around　to　it。〃　
He　reached　over　and　took　my　hand。　His　skin　was　blazing　on　mine。　
〃Is　that　one　of　those　wolf　things？〃　I　asked　him。　〃The　heat；　I　mean。〃　
〃Yeah。　We　run　a　little　warmer　than　the　normal　people。　About　one…oh…eight；　one
…oh…nine。　I　never　get　cold　
anymore。　I　could　stand　like　this〃—he　gestured　to　his　bare　torso—〃in　a　
snowstorm　and　it　wouldn't　bother　
me。　The　flakes　would　turn　to　rain　where　I　stood。〃　
〃And　you　all　heal　fast—that's　a　wolf　thing；　too？〃　
〃Yeah；　wanna　see？　It's　pretty　cool。〃　His　eyes　flipped　open　and　he　grinned。　He　
reached　around　me　to　the　
glove　partment　and　dug　around　for　a　minute。　His　hand　came　out　with　a　
pocketknife。　
〃No；　I　do　not　want　to　see！〃　I　shouted　as　soon　as　I　realized　what　he　was　
thinking。　〃Put　that　away！〃　
Jacob　chuckled；　but　shoved　the　knife　back　where　it　belonged。　〃Fine。　It's　a　
good　thing　we　heal；　though。　
You　can't　go　see　just　any　doctor　when　you're　running　a　temperature　that　should　
mean　you're　dead。〃　
〃No；　I　guess　not。〃　I　thought　about　that　for　a　minute。　〃　And　being　so　big—
that's　part　of　it？　Is　that　why　
you're　all　worried　about　Quil？〃　
〃That　and　the　fact　that　Quil's　grandfather　says　the　kid　could　fry　an　egg　on　
his　forehead。〃　Jacob's　face　
turned　hopeless。　〃It　won't　be　long　now。　There's　no　exact　age　it　just　builds　
and　builds　and　then　
suddenly—〃　He　broke　off；　and　it　was　a　moment　before　he　could　speak　again。　
〃Sometimes；　if　you　get　
really　upset　or　something；　that　can　trigger　it　early。　But　I　wasn't　upset　about　
anything—I　was　happy。〃　He　
laughed　bitterly。　〃Because　of　you；　mostly。　That's　why　it　didn't　happen　to　me　
sooner。　Instead　it　just　kept　
on　building　up　inside　me—I　was　like　a　time　bomb。　You　know　what　set　me　off？　I　
got　back　from　that　
movie　and　Billy　said　I　looked　weird。　That　was　all；　but　I　just　snapped。　And　
then　I—I　exploded。　I　almost　
ripped　his　face　off—my　own　father！〃　He　shuddered；　and　his　face　paled。　
〃Is　it　really　bad；　Jake？〃　I　asked　anxiously；　wishing　I　had　some　way　to　help　
him。　〃Are　you　miserable？〃　
〃No；　I'm　not　miserable；〃　he　told　me。　〃Not　anymore。　Not　now　that　you　know。　That　
was　hard；　before。〃　He　
leaned　over　so　that　his　cheek　was　resting　on　top　of　my　head。　
He　was　quiet　for　a　moment；　and　I　wondered　what　he　was　thinking　about。　Maybe　I　
didn't　want　to　know。　
〃What's　the　hardest　part？〃　I　whispered；　still　wishing　I　could　help。　
〃The　hardest　part　is　feeling　out　of　control；〃　he　said　slowly。　〃Feeling　like　
I　can't　be　sure　of　myself—like　
maybe　you　shouldn't　be　around　me；　like　maybe　nobody　should。　Like　I'm　a　monster　
who　might　hurt　
somebody。　You've　seen　Emily。　Sam　lost　control　of　his　temper　for　just　one　
second　and　she　was　
standing　too　close。　And　now　there's　nothing　he　can　ever　do　to　put　it　right　
again。　I　hear　his　thoughts—I　
know　what　that　feels　like　
〃Who　wants　to　be　a　nightmare；　a　monster？　
〃And　then；　the　way　it　es　so　easily　to　me；　the　way　I'm　better　at　it　than　the　
rest　of　them—does　that　
make　me　even　less　human　than　Enbry　or　Sam？　Sometimes　I'm　afraid　that　I'm　
losing　myself。〃　
〃Is　it　hard？　To　find　yourself　again？〃　
〃At　first；〃　he　said。　〃It　takes　some　practice　to　phase　back　and　forth。　But　it's　
easier　tor　me。〃　
〃Why？〃　I　wondered。　
〃Because　Ephraim　Black　was　my　father's　grandfather；　and　Quil　Ateara　was　my　
mother's　grandfather。〃　
〃Quil？〃　I　asked　in　confusion。　
〃His　great…grandfather；〃　Jacob　clarified。　〃The　Quil　you　know　is　my　second　
cousin。〃　
〃But　why　does　it　matter　who　your　great…grandfathers　are？〃　
〃Because　Ephraim　and　Quil　were　in　the　last　pack。　Levi　Uley　was　the　third。　It's　
in　my　blood　on　both　sides。　
I　never　had　a　chance。　Like　Quil　doesn't　have　a　chance。〃　
His　expression　was　bleak。　
〃What's　the　very　best　part？〃　I　asked；　hoping　to　cheer　him　up。　
〃The　best　part；〃　he　said；　suddenly　smiling　again；　〃is　the　speed。〃　
〃Better　than　the　motorcycles？〃　
He　nodded；　enthusiastic。　〃There's　no　parison。〃　
〃How　fast　can　you　？〃　
〃Run？〃　he　finished　my　question。　〃Fast　enough。　What　can　I　measure　it　by？　We　
caught　what　was　his　
name？　Laurent？　I　imagine　that　means　more　to　you　than　it　would　to　someone　
else。〃　
It　did　mean　something　to　me。　I　couldn't　imagine　that—the　wolves　running　
faster　than　a　vampire。　When　the　
Cullens　ran；　they　all　but　turned　invisible　with　speed。　
〃So；　tell　me　something　I　don't　know；〃　he　said。　〃Something　about　vampires。　How　
did　you　stand　it；　being　
around　them？　Didn't　it　creep　you　out？〃　
〃No；〃　I　said　curtly。　
My　tone　made　him　thoughtful　for　a　moment。　
〃Say；　why'd　your　bloodsucker　kill　that　James；　anyway？〃　he　asked　suddenly。　
〃James　was　trying　to　kill　me—it　was　like　a　game　for　him。　He　lost。　Do　you　
remember　last　spring　when　I　
was　in　the　hospital　down　in　Phoenix？〃　
Jacob　sucked　in　a　breath。　〃He　got　that　close？〃　
〃He　got　very；　very　close。〃　I　stroked　my　scar。　Jacob　noticed；　because　he　held　
the　hand　I　moved。　
〃What's　that？〃　He　traded　hands；　examining　my　right。　〃This　is　your　funny　scar；　
the　cold　one。〃　He　looked　at　
it　closer；　with　new　eyes；　and　gasped。