new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第44章

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and　forced　myself　to　think　the　word—werewolf　（and　I　knew　it　was　true；　I　could　
feel　it）；　then　people　
would　be　shooting　at　him！　I　needed　to　tell　him　and　his　friends　that　people　
would　try　to　kill　them　if　they　
went　running　around　like　gigantic　wolves。　I　needed　to　tell　them　to　stop。　
They　had　to　stop！　Charlie　was　out　there　in　the　woods。　Would　they　care　about　
that？　I　wondered　Up　
until　now；　only　strangers　had　disappeared。　Did　that　mean　anything；　or　was　it　
just　chance？　
I　needed　to　believe　that　Jacob；　at　least；　would　care　about　that。　
Either　way；　I　had　to　warn　him。　
Or　did　I？　
Jacob　was　my　best　friend；　but　was　he　a　monster；　too？　A　real　one？　A　bad　one？　
Should　I　warn　him；　if　he　
and　his　friends　were　were　murderers！　If　they　were　out　slaughtering　innocent　
hikers　in　cold　blood？　If　
they　were　truly　creatures　from　a　horror　movie　in　every　sense；　would　it　be　
wrong　to　protect　them？　
It　was　inevitable　that　I　would　have　to　pare　Jacob　and　his　friends　to　the　
Cullens。　I　wrapped　my　arms　
around　my　chest；　fighting　the　hole；　while　I　thought　of　them。　
I　didn't　know　anything　about　werewolves；　clearly。　I　would　have　expected　
something　closer　to　the　
movies—big　hairy　half…men　creatures　or　something—if　I'd　expected　anything　at　
all。　So　I　didn't　know　
what　made　them　hunt；　whether　hunger　or　thirst　or　just　a　desire　to　kill。　It　was　
hard　to　judge；　not　knowing　
that。　
But　it　couldn't　be　worse　than　what　the　Cullens　endured　in　their　quest　to　be　
good。　I　thought　of　Esme—the　
tears　started　when　I　pictured　her　kind；　lovely　face—and　how；　as　motherly　and　
loving　as　she　was；　she'd　
had　to　hold　her　nose；　all　ashamed；　and　run　from　me　when　I　was　bleeding。　It　
couldn't　be　harder　than　that。　
I　thought　of　Carlisle；　the　centuries　upon　centuries　that　he　had　struggled　to　
teach　himself　to　ignore　blood；　
so　that　he　could　save　lives　as　a　doctor。　Nothing　could　be　harder　than　that。　
The　werewolves　had　chosen　a　different　path。　
Now；　what　should　I　choose？　
　13。　KILLER
IF　IT　WAS　ANYONE　BUT　JACOB；　I　THOUGHT　TO　MYSELF；　shaking　my　head　as　I　drove　
down　
the　forest…lined　highway　to　La　Push。　
I　still　wasn't　sure　if　I　was　domg　the　right　thing；　but　I'd　made　a　promise　
with　myself。　
I　couldn't　condone　what　Jacob　and　his　friends；　his　pack；　were　doing。　I　
understood　now　what　he'd　said　
last　night—that　I　might　not　want　to　see　him　again—and　I　could　have　called　
him　as　he'd　suggested；　but　
that　felt　cowardly。　I　owed　him　a　face…to…face　conversation；　at　least。　I　would　
tell　him　to　his　face　that　I　
couldn't　just　overlook　what　was　going　on。　I　couldn't　be　friends　with　a　killer　
and　say　nothing；　let　the　killing　
continue　That　would　make　me　a　monster；　too。　
But　I　couldn't　not　warn　him；　either。　I　had　to　do　what　I　could　to　protect　him。　
I　pulled　up　to　the　Blacks'　house　with　my　lips　pressed　together　into　a　hard　
line。　It　was　bad　enough　that　my　
best　friend　was　a　werewolf。　Did　he　have　to　be　a　monster；　too？　
The　house　was　dark；　no　lights　in　the　windows；　but　I　didn't　care　if　I　woke　
them。　My　fist　thudded　against　
the　front　door　with　angry　energy；　the　sound　reverberated　through　the　walls。　
〃e　in；〃　I　heard　Billy　call　after　a　minute；　and　a　light　flicked　on。　
I　twisted　the　knob；　it　was　unlocked。　Billy　was　leaning　around　an　open　doorway　
just　off　the　little　kitchen；　a　
bathrobe　around　his　shoulders；　not　in　his　chair　yet。　When　he　saw　who　it　was；　
his　eyes　widened　briefly；　
and　then　his　face　turned　stoic。　
〃Well；　good　morning；　Bella。　What　are　you　doing　up　so　early？〃　
〃Hey；　Billy。　I　need　to　talk　to　Jake—where　is　he？〃　
〃Um　I　don't　really　know；〃　he　lied；　straight…faced。　
〃Do　you　know　what　Charlie　is　doing　this　morning？〃　I　demanded；　sick　of　the　
stalling。　
〃Should　I？〃　
〃He　and　half　the　other　men　in　town　are　all　out　in　the　woods　with　guns；　hunting　
giant　wolves。〃　
Billy's　expression　flickered；　and　then　went　blank。　
〃So　I'd　like　to　talk　to　Jake　about　that；　if　you　don't　mind；〃　I　continued。　
Billy　pursed　his　thick　lips　for　a　long　moment。　〃I'd　bet　he's　still　asleep；〃　he　
finally　said；　nodding　toward　the　
tiny　hallway　off　the　front　room。　〃He's　out　late　a　lot　these　days。　Kid　needs　
his　rest—probably　you　
shouldn't　wake　him。〃　
〃It's　my　turn；〃　I　muttered　under　my　breath　as　I　stalked　to　the　hallway。　Billy　
sighed。　
Jacob's　tiny　closet　of　a　room　was　the　only　door　in　the　yard…long　hallway。　I　
didn't　bother　to　knock。　I　
threw　the　door　open；　it　slammed　against　the　wall　with　a　bang。　
Jacob—still　wearing　just　the　same　black　cut…off　sweats　he'd　worn　last　night—
was　stretched　diagonally　
across　the　double　bed　that　took　up　all　of　his　room　but　a　few　inches　around　the　
edges。　Even　on　a　slant；　it　
wasn't　long　enough；　his　feet　hung　off　the　one　end　and　his　head　off　the　other。　
He　was　fast　asleep；　snoring　
lightly　with　his　mouth　hanging　open。　The　sound　of　the　door　hadn't　even　made　
him　twitch。　
His　face　was　peaceful　with　（deep　sleep；　all　the　angry　lines　smoothed　out。　
There　were　circles　under　his　
eyes　that　I　hadn't　noticed　before。　Despite　his　ridiculous　size；　he　looked　very　
young　now；　and　very　weary。　
Pity　shook　me。　
I　stepped　back　out；　and　shut　the　door　quietly　behind　me。　
Billy　stared　with　curious；　guarded　eyes　as　I　walked　slowly　back　into　the　front　
room。　
〃I　think　I'll　let　him　get　some　rest。〃　
Billy　nodded；　and　then　we　gazed　at　each　other　for　a　minute。　I　was　dying　to　ask　
him　about　his　part　in　this。　
What　did　he　think　of　what　his　son　had　bee？　But　I　knew　how　he'd　supported　
Sam　from　the　very　
beginning；　and　so　I　supposed　the　murders　must　not　bother　him。　How　he　justified　
that　to　himself　I　couldn't　
imagine。　
I　could　see　many　questions　for　me　in　his　dark　eyes；　but　he　didn't　voice　them　
either。　
〃Look；〃　I　said；　breaking　the　loud　silence。　〃I'll　be　down　at　the　beach　for　a　
while。　When　he　wakes　up；　tell　
him　I'm　waiting　for　him；　okay？〃　
〃Sure；　sure；〃　Billy　agreed。　
I　wondered　if　he　really　would。　Well；　if　he　didn't；　I'd　tried；　right？　
I　drove　down　to　First　Beach　and　parked　in　the　empty　dirt　lot。　It　was　still　
dark—the　gloomy　predawn　of　a　
cloudy　day—and　when　I　cut　the　headlights　it　was　hard　to　see。　I　had　to　let　my　
eyes　adjust　before　I　could　
find　the　path　that　led　through　the　tall　hedge　of　weeds。　It　was　colder　here；　
with　the　wind　whipping　off　the　
black　water；　and　I　shoved　my　hands　deep　into　the　pockets　of　my　winter　jacket。　
At　least　the　rain　had　
stopped。　
I　paced　down　the　beach　toward　the　north　seawall。　I　couldn't　see　St。　James　or　
the　other　islands；　just　the　
vague　shape　of　the　water's　edge。　I　picked　my　way　carefully　across　the　rocks；　
watching　out　for　driftwood　
that　might　trip　me。　
I　found　what　I　was　looking　for　before　I　realized　I　was　looking　for　it。　It　
materialized　out　of　the　gloom　when　
it　was　just　a　few　feet　away：　a　long　bone…white　driftwood　tree　stranded　deep　on　
the　rocks。　The　roots　
twisted　up　at　the　seaward　end；　like　a　hundred　brittle　tentacles。　I　couldn't　be　
sure　that　it　was　the　same　tree　
where　Jacob　and　I　had　had　our　first　conversation—a　conversation　that　had　
begun　so　many　different；　
tangled　threads　of　my　life—but　it　seemed　to　be　in　about　the　same　place　I　sat　
down　where　I'd　sat　before；　
and　stared　out　across　the　invisible　sea。　
Seeing　Jacob　like　that—innocent　and　vulnerable　in　sleep—had　stolen　all　my　
revulsion；　dissolved　all　my　
anger。　I　still　couldn't　turn　a　blind　sye　to　what　was　happening；　like　Billy　
seemed　to；　but　I　couldn't　condemn　
Jacob　for　it　either。　Love　didn't　work　that　way；　I　decided。　Once　you　cared　
about　a　person；　it　was　
impossible　to　be　logical　about　them　anymore。　Jacob　was　my　friend　whether　he　
killed　people　or　not。　And　
I　didn't　know　what　I　was　going　to　do　about　that。　
When　I　pictured　him　sleeping　so　peacefully；　I　felt　an　overpowering　urge　to　
protect　him。　pletely　
illogical。　
Illogical　or　not；　I　brooded　over　the　memory　his　peaceful　face；　trying　to　e　
up　with　some　answer；　some　
way　to　shelter　him；　while　the　sky　slowly　turned　gray。　
〃Hi；Bella。〃　
Jacob's　voice　came　from　the　darkness　and　made　me　jump。　It　was　soft；　almost　
shy；　but　I'd　been　expecting　
some　forewarning　from　the　noisy　rocks；　and　so　it　still　startled　me。　I　could　
see　his　silhouette　against　the　
ing　sunrise—it　looked　enormous。　
〃Jake？〃　
He　stood　several　paces　away；　shifting　his　weight　from　foot　to　foot　anxiously。　
〃Billy　told　me　you　came　by—didn't　take　you　very　long；　did　it？　I　knew　you　
could　figure　it　out。〃　
〃Yeah；　I　remember　the　right　story　now；〃　I　whispered。　
It　was　quiet　for　a　long　moment　and；　though　it　was　still　too　dark　to　see　well；　
my　skin　prickled　as　if　his　eyes　
were　searching　my　face。　There　must　have　been　enough　light　for　him　to　read　my　
expression；　because　
when　he　spoke　again；　his　voice　was　suddenly　acidic。　
〃You　could　have　just　called；〃　he　said　harshly。　
I　nodded。　〃I　know。〃　
Jacob　started　pacing　along　the　rocks。　If　I　listened　very　hard；　I　could　just　
hear　the　gentle　brush　of　his　feet　
on　the　rocks　behind　the　sound　of　the　waves。　The　rocks　had　clattered　like　
castanets　for　me。　
〃Why　did　you　e？〃　he　demanded；　not　halting　his　angry　stride。　
〃I　thought　it　would　be　better　face…to…face。〃　
He　snorted。　〃Oh；　much　better。〃　
〃Jacob；　I　have　to　warn　you—〃　
〃About　the　rangers　and　the　hunters？　Don't　worry　about　it。　We　already　know。〃　
〃Don't　worry　abou