new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第42章

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I　took　a　deep　breath　and　tried　to　concentrate。　〃You　asked　about　my　truck〃　
He　nodded；　urging　me　on。　
〃We　talked　about　the　Rabbit〃　
〃Keep　going。〃　
〃We　went　for　a　walk　down　the　beach〃　My　cheeks　were　growing　warm　under　his　
palms　as　I　
remembered；　but　he　wouldn't　notice；　hot　as　his　skin　was。　I'd　asked　him　to　walk　
with　me；　flirting　ineptly　
but　successfully；　in　order　to　pump　him　for　information。　
He　was　nodding；　anxious　for　more。　
My　voice　was　nearly　soundless。　〃You　told　me　scary　stories　Quileute　legends。〃　
He　closed　his　eyes　and　opened　them　again。　〃Yes。〃　The　word　was　tense；　fervent；　
like　he　was　on　the　edge　
of　something　vital。　He　spoke　slowly；　making　each　word　distinct。　〃Do　you　
remember　what　I　said？〃　
Even　in　the　dark；　he　must　be　able　to　see　the　change　in　the　color　of　my　face。　
How　could　I　ever　forget　
that？　Without　realizing　what　he　was　doing；　Jacob　had　told　me　exactly　what　I　
needed　to　know　that　
day—that　Edward　was　a　vampire。　
He　looked　at　me　with　eyes　that　knew　too　much。　〃Think　hard；〃　he　told　me。　
〃Yes；　I　remember；〃　I　breathed。　
He　inhaled　deeply；　struggling。　〃Do　you　remember　all　the　stor—〃　He　couldn't　
finish　the　question。　His　
mouth　popped　open　like　something　had　stuck　in　his　throat。　
〃All　the　stories？〃　I　asked。　
He　nodded　mutely。　
My　head　churned。　Only　one　story　really　mattered。　I　knew　he'd　begun　with　
others；　but　I　couldn't　
remember　the　inconsequential　prelude；　especially　not　while　my　brain　was　so　
clouded　with　exhaustion。　I　
started　to　shake　my　head。　
Jacob　groaned　and　jumped　off　the　bed。　He　pressed　his　fists　against　his　
forehead　and　breathed　fast　and　
angry。　〃You　know　this；　you　know　this；〃　he　muttered　to　himself。　
〃Jake？　Jake；　please；　I'm　exhausted。　I'm　no　good　at　this　right　now。　Maybe　in　
the　morning〃　
He　took　a　steadying　breath　and　nodded。　〃Maybe　it　will　e　back　to　you。　I　
guess　I　understand　why　you　
only　remember　the　one　story；〃　he　added　in　a　sarcastic；　bitter　tone。　He　plunked　
back　onto　the　mattress　
beside　me。　〃Do　you　mind　if　I　ask　you　a　question　about　that？〃　he　asked；　still　
sarcastic。　〃I've　been　dying　ro　
know。〃　
〃A　question　about　what？〃　I　asked　warily。　
〃About　the　vampire　story　I　told　you。〃　
I　stared　at　him　with　guarded　eyes；　unable　to　answer。　He　asked　his　question　
anyway。　
〃Did　you　honestly　not　know？〃　he　asked　me；　his　voice　turning　husky。　〃Was　I　the　
one　who　told　you　what　
he　was？〃　
How　did　he　know　this？　Why　did　he　decide　to　believe；　why　now？　My　teeth　clenched　
together。　I　stared　
back　at　him；　no　intention　of　speaking。　He　could　see　that。　
〃See　what　I　mean　about　loyalty？〃　he　murmured；　even　huskier　now。　〃It's　the　same　
for　me；　only　worse。　
You　can't　imagine　how　tight　I'm　bound〃　
I　didn't　like　that—didn't　like　the　way　his　eyes　closed　as　if　he　were　in　pain　
when　he　spoke　of　being　bound。　
More　than　dislike—I　realized　I　hated　it；　hated　anything　that　caused　him　pain。　
Hated　it　fiercely。　
Sam's　face　filled　my　mind。　
For　me；　this　was　all　essentially　voluntary。　I　protected　the　Cullens'　secret　
out　of　love；　unrequited；　but　true。　
For　Jacob；　it　didn't　seem　to　be　that　way。　
〃Isn't　there　any　way　for　you　to　get　free？〃　I　whispered；　touching　the　rough　
edge　at　the　back　of　his　shorn　
hair。　
His　hands　began　to　tremble；　but　he　didn't　open　his　eyes。　〃No。　I'm　in　this　for　
life。　A　life　sentence。〃　A　bleak　
laugh。　〃Longer；　maybe。〃　
〃No；　Jake；〃　I　moaned。　〃What　if　we　ran　away？　Just　you　and　me。　What　if　we　left　
home；　and　left　Sam　
behind？〃　
〃It's　not　something　I　can　run　away　from；　Bella；〃　he　whispered。　〃I　would　run　
with　you；　though；　if　I　could。〃　
His　shoulders　were　shaking　now；　too。　He　took　a　deep　breath。　〃Look；　I've　got　to　
leave。〃　
〃Why？〃　
〃For　one　thing；　you　look　like　you're　going　to　pass　out　at　any　second。　You　need　
your　sleep—I　need　you　
firing　on　all　pistons。　You're　going　to　figure　this　out；　you　have　to。〃　
〃And　why　else？〃　
He　frowned。　〃I　had　to　sneak　out—I'm　not　supposed　to　see　you。　They've　got　to　
be　wondering　where　I　
am。〃　His　mouth　twisted。　〃I　suppose　I　should　go　let　them　know。〃　
〃You　don't　have　to　tell　them　anything；〃　I　hissed。　
〃All　the　same；　I　will。〃　
The　anger　flashed　hot　inside　me。　〃I　hate　them！〃　
Jacob　looked　at　me　with　wide　eyes；　surprised。　〃No；　Bella。　Don't　hate　the　guys。　
It's　not　Sam's　or　any　of　
the　others'　faults。　I　told　you　before—it's　me。　Sam　is　actually　well；　
incredibly　cool。　Jared　and　Paul　are　
great；　too；　though　Paul　is　kind　of　And　Embry's　always　been　my　friend。　
Nothing's　changed　there—the　
only　thing　that　hasn't　changed。　I　feel　really　bad　abour　the　things　I　used　to　
think　about　Sam〃　
〃Sam　was　incredibly　cool。〃　I　glared　at　him　in　disbelief；　but　let　it　go。　
〃Then　why　aren't　you　supposed　to　see　me？〃　I　demanded。　
〃It's　not　safe；〃　he　mumbled　looking　down。　
His　words　sent　a　thrill　of　fear　through　me。　
Did　he　know　that；　too？　Nobody　knew　that　besides　me。　But　he　was　right—it　was　
the　middle　of　the　night；　
the　perfect　time　for　hunting。　Jacob　shouldn't　be　here　in　my　room。　If　someone　
came　for　me；　I　had　：o　be　
alone。　
〃If　I　thought　it　was　too　too　risky；〃　he　whispered；　〃I　wouldn't　have　e。　
But　Bella；〃　he　looked　at　me　
again；　〃I　made　you　a　promise。　I　had　no　idea　it　would　be　so　hard　to　keep；　but　
that　doesn't　mean　I'm　not　
going　to　try。〃　
He　saw　the　inprehension　in　my　face。　〃After　that　stupid　movie；〃　he　reminded　
me。　〃I　promised　you　that　
I　wouldn't　ever　hurt　you　So　I　really　blew　it　this　afternoon；　didn't　I？〃　
〃I　know　you　didn't　want　to　do　it；　Jake。　It's　okay。〃　
〃Thanks；　Bella。〃　He　took　my　hand。　〃I'm　going　to　do　what　I　can　to　be　here　for　
you；　just　like　I　promised。〃　
He　grinned　at　me　suddenly。　The　grin　was　not　mine；　nor　Sam's；　but　some　strange　
bination　of　the　two。　
〃It　would　really　help　if　you　could　figure　this　out　on　your　own；　Bella。　Put　
some　honest　effort　into　it。〃　
I　made　a　weak　grimace。　〃I'll　try。〃　
〃And　I'll　try　to　see　you　soon。〃　He　sighed。　〃And　they'll　try　to　talk　me　out　of　
that。〃　
〃Don't　listen　to　them。〃　
〃I'll　try。〃　He　shook　his　head；　as　if　he　doubted　his　success。　〃e　and　tell　me　
as　soon　as　you　figure　it　out。〃　
Something　occurred　to　him　just　then；　something　that　made　his　hands　shake。　〃If　
you　if　you　want　to。〃　
〃Why　wouldn't　I　want　to　see　you？〃　
His　face　turned　hard　and　bitter；　one　hundred　percent　the　face　that　belonged　to　
Sam。　〃Oh；　I　can　think　of　a　
reason；〃　he　said　in　a　harsh　tone。　〃Look；　I　really　have　to　go。　Could　you　do　
something　for　me？〃　
I　just　nodded；　frightened　of　the　change　in　him。　
〃At　least　call　me—if　you　don't　want　to　see　me　again。　Let　me　know　if　it's　like　
that。〃　
〃That　won't　happen—〃　
He　raised　one　hand；　cutting　me　off。　〃Just　let　me　know。〃　
He　stood　and　headed　for　the　window。　
〃Don't　be　an　idiot；　Jake；〃　I　plained。　〃You'll　break　your　leg。　Use　the　door。　
Charlie's　not　going　to　catch　
you。〃　
〃I　won't　get　hurt；〃　he　muttered；　but　he　turned　for　the　door。　He　hesitated　as　
he　passed　me；　staring　at　me　
with　an　expression　like　something　was　stabbing　him。　He　held　one　hand　out；　
pleading。　
I　took　his　hand；　and　suddenly　he　yanked　me—too　roughly—right　off　the　bed　so　
that　I　thudded　against　his　
chest。　
〃Just　in　case；〃　he　muttered　against　my　hair；　crushing　me　in　a　bear　hug　that　
about　broke　my　ribs。　
〃Can't—breathe！〃　I　gasped。　
He　dropped　me　at　once；　keeping　one　hand　at　my　waist　so　I　didn't　fall　over。　He　
pushed　me；　more　gently　
this　time；　back　down　on　the　bed。　
〃Get　some　sleep；　Bells。　You've　got　to　get　your　head　working。　I　know　you　can　do　
this。　I　need　you。　to　
understand。　I　won't　lose　you；　Bella。　Not　for　this。〃　
He　was　to　the　door　in　one　stride；　opening　it　quietly；　and　then　disappearing　
through　it。　I　listened　for　him　to　
hit　the　squeaky　step　in　the　stairs；　but　there　was　no　sound。　
I　lay　back　on　my　bed；　my　head　spinning。　I　was　too　confused；　too　worn　out。　I　
closed　my　eyes；　trying　to　
make　sense　of　it；　only　to　be　swallowed　up　by　unconsciousness　so　swiftly　that　
it　was　disorienting。　
It　was　not　the　peaceful；　creamless　sleep　I'd　yearned　for—of　course　not。　I　was　
in　the　forest　again；　and　I　
started　to　wander　the　way　I　always　did。　
I　quickly　became　aware　that　this　was　not　the　same　dream　as　usual。　For　one　
thing；　I　felt　no　pulsion　to　
wander　or　to　search；　I　was　merely　wandering　out　of　habit；　because　that　was　
what　was　usually　expected　
of　me　here。　Actually；　this　wasn't　even　the　same　forest。　The　smell　was　
different；　and　the　light；　too。　It　
smelled；　not　like　the　damp　earth　of　the　woods；　but　like　the　brine　of　the　
ocean。　I　couldn't　see　the　sky；　still；　
it　seemed　like　the　sun　must　be　shining—the　leaves　above　were　bright　jade　
green。　
This　was　the　forest　around　La　Push—near　the　beach　there；　I　was　sure　of　it。　I　
knew　that　if　I　found　the　
beach；　I　would　be　able　to　see　the　sun；　so　I　hurried　forward；　following　the　
faint　sound　of　waves　in　the　
distance。　
And　then　Jacob　was　there。　He　grabbed　my　hand；　pulling　me　back　toward　the　
blackest　part　of　the　forest。　
〃Jacob；　what's　wrong？〃　I　asked。　His　face　was　the　frightened　face　of　a　boy；　and　
his　hair　was　beautiful　
again；　swept　back　into　a　ponytail　on　the　nape　of　his　neck。　He　yanked　with　all　
his　strength；　but　I　resisted；　I　
didn't　want　to　go　into　the　dark。　
〃Run；　Bella；　you　have　to　run！〃　he　whispered；　terrified。　
The　abrupt　wave　of　deja　vu　was　so　strong　it　nearly　woke　me　up。　
I　kne