new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第14章

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〃You　didn't　do　anything。　That's　the　problem。　You　never　do　anything。〃　
〃You　want　me　to　get　into　trouble？〃　I　wondered；　my　eyebrows　pulling　together　in　
mystification。　I　made　an　
effort　to　pay　attention。　It　wasn't　easy。　I　was　so　used　to　tuning　everything　
out；　my　ears　felt　stopped　up。　
〃Trouble　would　be　better　than　this　this　moping　around　all　the　time！〃　
That　stung　a　bit。　I'd　been　careful　to　avoid　all　forms　of　moroseness；　moping　
included。　
〃I　am　not　moping　around。〃　
〃Wrong　word；〃　he　grudgingly　conceded。　〃Moping　would　be　better—that　would　be　
doing　something。　
You're　just　lifeless；　Bella。　I　think　that's　the　word　I　want。〃　
This　accusation　struck　home。　I　sighed　and　tried　to　put　some　animation　into　my　
response。　
〃I'm　sorry；　Dad。〃　My　apology　sounded　a　little　flat；　even　to　me。　I'd　thought　
I'd　been　fooling　him。　Keeping　
Charlie　from　suffering　was　the　whole　point　of　all　this　effort。　How　depressing　
to　think　that　the　effort　had　
been　wasted。　
〃I　don't　want　you　to　apologize。〃　
I　sighed。　〃Then　tell　me　what　you　do　want　me　to　do。〃　
〃Bella；〃　he　hesitated；　scrutinizing　my　reaction　to　his　next　words。　〃Honey；　
you're　not　the　first　person　to　go　
through　this　kind　of　thing；　you　know。〃　
〃I　know　that。〃　My　acpanying　grimace　was　limp　and　unimpressive。　
〃Listen；　honey。　I　think　that—that　maybe　you　need　some　help。〃　
〃Help？〃　
He　paused；　searching　for　the　words　again。　〃When　your　mother　left；〃　he　began；　
frowning；　〃and　took　you　
with　her。〃　He　inhaled　deeply。　〃Well；　that　was　a　really　bad　time　for　me。〃　
〃I　know；　Dad；〃　I　mumbled。　
〃But　I　handled　it；〃　he　pointed　out。　〃Honey；　you're　not　handling　it。　I　waited；　
I　hoped　it　would　get　better。〃　
He　stared　at　me　and　I　looked　down　quickly。　〃I　think　we　both　know　it's　not　
getting　better。〃　
〃I'mfine。〃　
He　ignored　me。　〃Maybe；　well；　maybe　if　you　talked　to　someone　about　it。　A　
professional。〃　
〃You　want　me　to　see　a　shrink？〃　My　voice　was　a　shade　sharper　as　I　realized　what　
he　was　getting　at。　
〃Maybe　it　would　help。〃　
〃And　maybe　it　wouldn't　help　one　little　bit。〃　
I　didn't　know　much　about　psychoanalysis；　but　I　was　pretty　sure　that　it　didn't　
work　unless　the　subject　was　
relatively　honest。　Sure；　I　could　tell　the　truth—if　I　wanted　to　spend　the　rest　
of　my　life　in　a　padded　cell。　
He　examined　my　obstinate　expression；　and　switched　to　another　line　of　attack。　
〃It's　beyond　me；　Bella。　Maybe　your　mother—〃　
〃Look；〃　I　said　in　a　flat　voice。　〃I'll　go　out　tonight；　if　you　want。　I'll　call　
Jess　or　Angela。〃　
〃That's　not　what　I　want；〃　he　argued；　frustrated。　〃I　don't　think　I　can　live　
through　seeing　you　try　harder。　
I've　never　seen　anyone　trying　so　hard。　It　hurts　to　watch。〃　
I　pretended　to　be　dense；　looking　down　at　the　table。　〃I　don't　understand；　Dad。　
First　you're　mad　because　
I'm　not　doing　anything；　and　then　you　say　you　don't　want　me　to　go　out。〃　
〃I　want　you　to　be　happy—no；　not　even　that　much。　I　just　want　you　not　to　be　
miserable。　I　think　you'll　have　
a　better　chance　if　you　get　out　of　Forks。〃　
My　eyes　flashed　up　with　the　first　small　spark　of　feeling　I'd　had　in　too　long　
to　contemplate。　
〃I'm　not　leaving；〃　I　said。　
〃Why　not？〃　he　demanded。　
〃I'm　in　my　last　semester　of　school—it　would　screw　everything　up。〃　
〃You're　a　good　student—you'll　figure　it　out。〃　
〃I　don't　want　to　crowd　Mom　and　Phil。〃　
〃Your　mother's　been　dying　to　have　you　back。〃　
〃Florida　is　too　hot。〃　
His　fist　came　down　on　the　table　again。　〃We　both　know　what's　really　going　on　
here；　Bella；　and　it's　not　
good　for　you。〃　He　took　a　deep　breath。　〃It's　been　months。　No　calls；　no　letters；　
no　contact。　You　can't　keep　
waitingforhim。〃　
I　glowered　at　him。　The　heat　almost；　but　not　quite；　reached　my　face。　It　had　
been　a　long　time　since　I'd　
blushed　with　any　emotion。　
This　whole　subject　was　utterly　forbidden；　as　he　was　well　aware。　
〃I'm　not　waiting　for　anything。　I　don't　expect　anything；〃　I　said　in　a　low　
monotone。　
〃Bella—；〃　Charlie　began；　his　voice　thick。　
〃I　have　to　get　to　school；〃　I　interrupted；　standing　up　and　yanking　my　untouched　
breakfast　from　the　table。　I　
dumped　my　bowl　in　the　sink　without　pausing　to　wash　it　out。　I　couldn't　deal　
with　any　more　conversation。　
〃I'll　make　plans　with　Jessica；〃　I　called　over　my　shoulder　as　I　strapped　on　my　
school　bag；　not　meeting　his　
eyes。　〃Maybe　I　won't　be　home　for　dinner。　We'll　go　to　Port　Angeles　and　watch　a　
movie。〃　
I　was　out　the　front　door　before　he　could　react。　
In　my　haste　to　get　away　from　Charlie；　I　ended　up　being　one　of　the　first　ones　
to　school。　The　plus　side　was　
that　I　got　a　really　good　parking　spot。　The　downside　was　that　I　had　free　time　
on　my　hands；　and　I　tried　to　
avoid　free　time　at　all　costs。　
Quickly；　before　I　could　start　thinking　about　Charlie's　accusations；　I　pulled　
out　my　Calculus　book。　I　
flipped　it　open　to　the　section　we　should　be　starting　today；　and　tried　to　make　
sense　of　it。　Reading　math　
was　even　worse　than　listening　to　it；　but　I　was　getting　better　at　it。　In　the　
last　several　months；　I'd　spent　ten　
times　the　amount　of　time　on　Calculus　than　I'd　ever　spent　on　math　before。　As　a　
result；　I　was　managing　to　
keep　in　the　range　of　a　low　A。　I　knew　Mr。　Varner　felt　my　improvement　was　all　
due　to　his　superior　
teaching　methods。　And　if　that　made　him　happy；　I　wasn't　going　to　burst　his　
bubble。　
I　forced　myself　to　keep　at　it　until　the　parking　lot　was　full；　and　I　ended　up　
rushing　to　English。　We　were　
working　on　Animal　Farm；　an　easy　subject　matter。　I　didn't　mind　munism；　it　
was　a　wele　change　
from　the　exhausting　romances　that　made　up　most　of　the　curriculum。　I　settled　
into　my　seat；　pleased　by　the　
distraction　of　Mr。　Berty's　lecture。　
Time　moved　easily　while　I　was　in　school。　The　bell　rang　all　too　soon。　I　started　
repacking　my　bag。　
〃Bella？〃　
I　recognized　Mike's　voice；　and　I　knew　what　his　next　words　would　be　before　he　
said　them。　
〃Are　you　working　tomorrow？〃　
I　looked　up。　He　was　leaning　across　the　aisle　with　an　anxious　expression。　Every　
Friday　he　asked　me　the　
same　question。　Never　mind　that　I　hadn't　taken　so　much　as　a　sick　day。　Well；　
with　one　exception；　months　
ago。　But　he　had　no　reason　to　look　at　me　with　such　concern。　I　was　a　model　
employee。　
〃Tomorrow　is　Saturday；　isn't　it？〃　I　said。　Having　just　had　it　pointed　out　to　me　
by　Charlie；　I　realized　how　
lifeless　my　voice　really　sounded。　
〃Yeah；　it　is；〃　he　agreed。　〃See　you　in　Spanish。〃　He　waved　once　before　turning　
his　back。　He　didn't　bother　
walking　me　to　class　anymore。　
I　trudged　off　to　Calculus　with　a　grim　expression。　This　was　the　class　where　I　
sat　next　to　Jessica。　
It　had　been　weeks；　maybe　months；　since　Jess　had　even　greeted　me　when　I　passed　
her　in　the　hall。　I　knew　
I　had　offended　her　with　my　antisocial　behavior；　and　she　was　sulking。　It　wasn't　
going　to　be　easy　to　talk　to　
her　now—especially　to　ask　her　to　do　me　a　favor。　I　weighed　my　options　
carefully　as　I　loitered　outside　the　
classroom；　procrastinating。　
I　wasn't　about　to　face　Charlie　again　without　some　kind　of　social　interaction　
to　report。　I　knew　I　couldn't　
lie；　though　the　thought　of　driving　to　Port　Angeles　and　back　alone—being　sure　
my　odometer　reflected　the　
correct　mileage；　just　in　case　he　checked—was　very　tempting。　Jessica's　mom　was　
the　biggest　gossip　in　
town；　and　Charlie　was　bound　to　run　into　Mrs。　Stanley　sooner　rather　than　later。　
When　he　did；　he　would　
no　doubt　mention　the　trip。　Lying　was　out。　
With　a　sigh；　I　shoved　the　door　open。　
Mr。　Varner　gave　me　a　dark　look—he'd　already　started　the　lecture。　I　hurried　to　
my　seat。　Jessica　didn't　
look　up　as　I　sat　next　to　her。　I　was　glad　that　I　had　fifty　minutes　to　mentally　
prepare　myself。　
This　class　flew　by　even　faster　than　English。　A　small　part　of　that　speed　was　
due　to　my　goody…goody　
preparation　this　morning　in　the　truck—but　mostly　it　stemmed　from　the　fact　
that　time　always　sped　up　when　
I　was　looking　forward　to　something　unpleasant。　
I　grimaced　when　Mr。　Varner　dismissed　the　class　five　minutes　early。　He　smiled　
like　he　was　being　nice。　
〃Jess？〃　My　nose　wrinkled　as　I　cringed；　waiting　for　her　to　turn　on　me。　
She　twisted　in　her　seat　to　face　me；　eyeing　me　incredulously。　〃Are　you　talking　
to　me；　Bella？〃　
〃Of　course。〃　I　widened　my　eyes　to　suggest　innocence。　
〃What？　Do　you　need　help　with　Calculus？〃　Her　tone　was　a　tad　sour。　
〃No。〃　I　shook　my　head。　〃Actually；　I　wanted　to　know　if　you　would　go　to　the　
movies　with　me　tonight？　I　
really　need　a　girls'　night　out。〃　The　words　sounded　stiff；　like　badly　delivered　
lines；　and　she　looked　
suspicious。　
〃Why　are　you　asking　me？〃　she　asked；　still　unfriendly。　
〃You're　the　first　person　I　think　of　when　I　want　girl　time。〃　I　smiled；　and　I　
hoped　the　smile　looked　genuine。　
It　was　probably　true。　She　was　at　least　the　first　person　I　thought　of　when　I　
wanted　to　avoid　Charlie。　It　
amounted　to　the　same　thing。　
She　seemed　a　little　mollified。　〃Well；　I　don't　know。〃　
〃Do　you　have　plans？〃　
〃No　I　guess　I　can　go　with　you。　What　do　you　want　to　see？〃　
〃I'm　not　sure　what's　playing；〃　I　hedged。　This　was　the　tricky　part。　I　racked　my　
brain　for　a　clue—hadn't　I　
heard　someone　talk　about　a　movie　recently？　Seen　a　poster？　〃How　about　that　one　
with　the　female　
president？〃　
She　looked　at　me　oddly。　〃Bella；　that　one's　been　out　of　the　theater　forever。〃　
〃Oh。〃　I　frowned。　〃Is　there　anything　you'd　like　to　see？〃　
Jessica's